Think About Me

Chapter 4: Lingering Thoughts

I don't allow myself to look away until Jude is completely out of sight. How can I, when I don't know if I'll ever see him again? But when he's gone, I pull my phone from my purse... and curse softly to myself.

There are two texts from Paige and four missed calls from Tyler.

I frown at the screen, because four seems a little excessive, but eventually sigh. I told him I'd call then I went radio silent. He's probably thinking worst case scenario.

He picks up on the second ring. "Carter?"

"Hey," I say, drawing out the word.

"You never called. I was worried about you."

"Sorry. I was really tired after work last night. And I was busy this morning."

"Too busy to call me back?"

I feel guilty, because the fact of the matter is that I am guilty. Not just because I've upset him, but also because I know this is something I'll never share with him -he'll never know what kept me busy even if he flat out asks me. It's a secret that I'll hold close to my heart, between only Jude and I. Some details won't even make it to Paige.

"I'm sorry," I tell him again. "I'll make it up to you. Do you want to come over tonight? I'll make dinner. We can have some wine..."

"That actually sounds really nice," he says after a short pause.

"So you'll come over?"

"Sure," he answers, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

I sigh in relief because I know he's forgiven me. We can continue on as normal, as if nothing out of the ordinary even happened today.

"Great. Come over at seven?"

"I'll be there."

"Bye, Tyler."

He chuckles softly. "Bye, Carter."

Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I swipe my thumb over Paige's name and put the phone back to my ear. Just a quick moment to allow myself to revisit today's events at the café, and then I can pretend it never happened.

I tell her almost everything as I pace aimlessly around my living room and kitchen, Barty on my heels for the first five minutes until he realizes I'm not going to sit and cuddle with him. I relay the entire conversation, and even though I leave out the depth of how I felt about the whole situation -the way my heart stuttered and stalled when he looked at me, the overwhelming joy I felt when he all but admitted that lunch was just an excuse to talk to me- she sees right through me.

"Oh my god," she squeals. "You are still hung up on him! And he is definitely not over you."

The hope that rises in my chest is embarrassing.

"Mark my words," she continues, "that's not the last you'll see of him."

"But it has to be," I insist.

"Does it though?"

"He is engaged," I say, not only reminding her, but reminding myself. "And I have Tyler. We've both got our own lives and... and... It was just lunch, okay? That's all."

"Whatever you say, honey."

I hate when she calls me that, because I know she only does it when she's trying to comfort me -which is okay- or when she thinks I'm being stupid, and this time it's definitely the latter. But I'm not being stupid, I'm being realistic. If anything was ever going to happen between Jude Taylor and I, it would have already happened back in high school. It's okay that it didn't, and it's time to move on. Today will be hard to forget -his eyes, his smile, his admissions- but I managed to get him to fade from my mind before. I can do it again.