Anxiety. [LT AU] I

» 09.

 "h-how?"

there seemed to be anger burning a flame in her brown eyes as she narrowed them at me, "oh c'mon. obviously you know about the sperm going into the egg cell, both being s*x gametes-"

"-ye,yes of course i do. don't patronise me." i mutter then sigh, placing myself slowly down on the floor in front of her, ignoring my mind whirring of facts about how much bacteria is on the floor. cmon don't think of it. think of ashleigh, she needs you. "who's the father..?" i knew the answer, i just it would change.

"nobody, i'm v*rgin mary. no it's hayden of course, he's all i've ever done it with." she sighed out, shaking her head over and over again. she seemed distressed but then again, her mood literally changes all the time. it makes sense now, especially recently because of the pregnancy mood swings.

"oh. bu-but, you've only been dating for um, a week ish."

she raises an eyebrow, "yeah so? we had s*x before dating." she looks at me as if i'm completely dumb, but that's stupid coming from her compared to me. cmon get your facts right.

"oh." i don't know what else to say because i feel so awkward.

"i feel like sh*t louis, this has ruined my life. i'm sixteen, i can't be a teen mum, i can't!" she cried out suddenly, the palms of her hands over her face as she sobs hysterically into them.

i want to comfort her but it really isn't my role though, is it? i don't exactly know what to do. or say. it frusrates her but i can't help it can i? i didn't ask for this condition. i didn't ask for this constant shyness and being on edge as well, leading to insomnia and lack of friendship and love.

but i just stare at her blankly.

+++

silence really dwells between us, but it's not entirely silence as she's sobbing so loudly. i'm struggling to understand things. why would they have s*xual intercourse for? does he love her as much as i can? wait, do i love her? how would i know if i do? i've never even been in love before. i don't think so anyway.

i'm becoming more and more anxious each second that goes by. i hope he treats her right, the lovely way that she deserves.

"lo-louis." i look up at her and she clasps my hands around her smaller palms. she looks at me as if she's desperate, hurt, confused. she looks at me like i'm the only one who can help her, "i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know what to do with my life. i'm so lost and scared." she tells me in a timid tone.

she sounds like me. she sounds like the words i say to my mother.

"what, what do you want me to do? i-i'll do anything." she looks deeply in my eyes, like she's trying to look into my soul. my heart beats ever so fast and i can't seem to slow it down.

"nothing. please, nothing. i don't want you to tell anyone. i don't want this secret going viral. please. this has to our secret. okay? i'm so scar-"

"-y-you're not even going to tell hayden?!" i look at her alarmed and full of shock. if he wad the one that impregnated her, i would've thought he would've been the first person she would tell?! not some fucked up guy that you can't fathom wether you hate him or you're best friends with. "wh-why wouldn't you?!"

she closes her eyes to think and when she opens them they hold all seriouness, "i don't want him to be scared away from suddenly. we're doing well. i really don't want to ruin that."

that makes no sense. why would it ruin it? why would she even think of that question when he had ruined her life?! however, it was her fault as well. she should've been prepared to have got pregnant if she was willing to have s*xual intercourse. i don't say that though, of course i have balls.