Tired of pretending (kiribaku)

Chapter 1: I know Im weak

Bakugos P.O.V

Weak

Pitiful

A waste of space

They're all stronger than me. I shouldn't even be here, I don't deserve the chance to be called a hero.

I'm not worthy.If I hadn't been so weak maybe I could've stopped myself , but now it's to late.To change the past, to change my future.

I guess the stubborn part of my brain can't give up on a dream , even if I'm undeserving. A part of me thinks that lying my way through it , maintaining the facade, will give me a chance to make things right. I know that's impossible, no matter what he says , what they say , I'll never truly be forgiven. I can still see the look of fear that passes through there eyes when I enter a room. They think I don't notice but I do, it's all I focus on.it's hard to enjoy yourself when every part of you knows your not good enough to even be in there presence.

Acting to good for them , a simple ruse used to hide my deepest insecurities, it works though. There gullible, all it takes is a few curse words and a couple empty threats to ward them away, it's not like I need to give them anymore reason to flee from me, But No matter what I do they always seem to come back eventually , no matter what I've done it's as if they don't care , they don't know.

I've kept them ignorant, for that I'm not sure why , they deserve to know yet I can never bring myself to admit it , they'd see through the wall I've built. If even a tiny trickle of water is released I know everything will come crashing down , they'll know everything that I've done , they'll know I'm really just weak, and pathetic, that I don't deserve to be here.

      My spiral of thoughts is broken by a harsh "BEEP" coming from my alarm clock. I frown but, slowly lift my head off of my pillow to silence the persistent buzzing. The clock read  5:00, how long have I been procrastinating on starting the day.

Sleep never came easy for me , ever since middle school I'd stay up late into the night , which was when my thoughts turned dangerous. I must have developed a form of insomnia at some point though my body eventually got used to getting minimal amounts of sleep. Somehow I manage to hide this fact from everyone. Though they didn't know it, when I hunched my shoulders and lowered my posture it wasn't in anger or rebellion but in exhaustion. It's not like they would care even if they knew , I know they wouldn't.

    I realize that I had  been staring into space for a good five minutes and decide to finally get up and starts the day. I rolled out of bed after some thought, and stood up on shaky legs.

glancing at my bed, I Quickly spread out the sheets and fluffed my pillows, despite what everyone thought  I liked to keep everything tidy. Once I finish I pulled open my  flame decorated curtains, darkness greeting me.

"Great"I grumbled  forgetting that the sun hadn't even begun to rise. This day was going to be a nightmare.

     Walking over to my dresser, I grabbed a pair of shorts and a simple black tank top, at some point it must have had some sort of symbol displayed on the fabric but after it's constant use it got to faded to tell. Now there was just a silhouette of what could be mistaken for a flame , though it was barely noticeable now.

    I trudged to the bathroom that was connected to my dorm ,shutting the door behind me not bothering to lock it. No one would be up at this hour except maybe sonic or ponytail, though even if they were they wouldn't bother interacting with me.

   I let out a deep sigh before hastily spiking up my ash blond hair into somewhat threatening spikes, then grabbed my toothbrush and casually brushing my teeth before spitting it out and reaching for a towel to wipe my face.