Fade Out. DISCONTINUED

Chapter 7

The soothing aroma caresses my nasal passages, seeping through my lungs like a silk sheet, the steam drying my face of tears.  But the usual uplifting coffee does nothing for my mood.  I pear around and see two familiar faces staring at me; one looked at me with compassion, a wistful look in his dark eyes. The other pair; deep green and bottomless looked at me intently almost as if in deep thought.  They examined me, inspecting my body language and expression – which in retrospect probably gave a lot away.  His hand runs through his dark hair and the deep thought in his eyes dwindles as he looks away to the television.

   You’d never think the two people and I alone in this room hadn’t seen each other for just over two years, not properly.  I eye the room, it’s like nothing changed; comfortable and full of unspoken memories.  It’s a shame we’d only had Christmas’s and a birthday together here and there over that long two and a half years.  Music keeps Mark and Danny busy, they rarely get time off, and me?  Truth is, acting really isn’t shaping up to be as amazing as I thought, it might be the mood talking but I’m not getting anything out of it...maybe it’s just being here, home with so many memories and experiences that keep me routed, never leaving never starting anew.   Home is my anchor, it’s always been, but what keeps you steady can also weigh you down...

Roughly I move off the couch, hoping to shift some of this rubbish emotion – a run could do it I guess.  I hum over the implications but rush off and change anyway; my sisters old sports bra and running leggings are the only thing I’ve got handy, definitely not prepared for the cold but the colder it is the quicker I’ll run.  

“Red?”  I thought I’d slipped past but alas I turn from the door frame and see Danny, his lips pursed in a thin line, I know that look he’s got something to say.

“Spit it out then.” I huff, lacing up my shoes.

“Your back? You said it hurt and now you’re running..hypocritical don’t you think?” 

“You’re not my Dad. I’m running to get rid of the pain, it works sometimes stop reading into my every move.” I hiss, turning on my heel and out the door.

The frosty mid morning air bites at the exposed skin of my stomach, shoulders and arms. The light wind ruffles my clothes as I run, jogging at a steady pace.  My feet strike the dirt, squashing the grass, mud and water of the changing terrain.  The angry patter of my feet continued, adrenaline poured through me pushing sweat through my pores, beading onto my face making my hair cling to the side of my skin.  The trees, river and farmland blurred out the corner of my eye, turning the familiar surroundings to a mist of assorted colours.  The warm pull ached my legs when I ran up the hill, lactic acid stung at the tendons and muscle – I’m so unfit.  Eventually I came to a halt, my breathing fast and sharp but there was no pain, there never was.

 I sit for a litte while on the hill, staring out into the bay.  Nostaliga is powerful up here, so many things happened in this little place.  I remember Mark making a rope swing and making me the guinea pig - it broke and I got concussion!  Tree climbing races with Danny, bonfires with our respective families.  Hidden days after school in our made up den.  My first kiss.  The first time I held a boys hand was up this hill.  I smile happily to myself shifting up off the ground to start the walk home - it makes me think what sort of situation I'll be coming home too; 

  I know I was mean to Dan but for good reason, he’s always concerned about my health... I understand I guess considering the car accident but it’s been years my back is fine.  It’s not something he should be worrying about anyway, not now.    The bitter mood of earlier had dissipated on the walk back home, thank goodness. I don’t want to go back to that again, it’d hit me with ten barrels... oh never mind.  I shake my head quickly erasing the recollection.   The house is warm, too warm ugh once upstairs I shuffle off my sweaty clothes and shower after which I change into lighter clothes.