Paper Cut Lover | Kylo Ren

TWENTY-TWO

My heart is pounding against my chest which cramps every-time I inhale, but I still feel as if I cannot breathe around the tight grip of guilt. There is a tiny voice in the back of my mind and it taunts me with hurtful whispers and with regretful tales. It's telling me to stop and remember all the pain he had given to me, but he is the only thing that is making me forget about the present hurt, which leaves my heart, ravaged and refined.

Now that he's so close and the taste of his skin is clouding the taste that I truely long for, I can't even remember how we had gotten here or what exactly lead me into the back of Leo Grey's car, but he's here, right now, and it's my hands which are only pulling his face closer to my lips, which crash to his so desperately.

There is a pulse. A loud and beating pulse, and it's his, though it sits in my own ears as I let my neck fall back and my eyes roll as Leo begins to slide his tongue along my jaw before sucking sharply on the skin below my ear. 

I straddle Leo upon the leather seats of his own backseat, the same seats that he had lured the girl he had once cheated on me with to, on the night of senior prom. I'm not drunk, but I might as well be with all this foolery. Leo's scent lingers in the night and lays upon my lips the same way bitter beer might grasp upon senses, I pull away after our lips collide again, and allow my lungs to catch and tremble around the musk, the tang, the memory-like sense itself. 

He gropes me like a teenager would cling onto a budding breast for the first time, excited and filled with something less tangible than lust, perhaps just stimulated to the point where even he doesn't think about anything but the tent in his own pants. 

"So it is true..." He whispers between bellowed breaths before I lean back in and interlock our wet lips once again, "College really does change someone's sex-drive."

My hands curl into his hair, but I find that there are already knots in there that even I didn't cause and the locks are not as soft as the ones which my fingers truely twitch to twine into, "What's that supposed to mean?" I shudder as Leo's hands fall from my waist and to his belt with twitching, smaller, hands. 

"Ah," He groans as I nip the skin below his jaw with my teeth lightly, "Y-You never used to be this... Confident?"

I know what he really wishes to say is experienced, I can almost taste the word upon his own tongue as I try to silence him again, just like I had the moment he walked into the bathroom and tried to small-talk me as if we didn't have so much history between us. 

I also know that I don't truely want this. I can feel the churning and twisting of my own stomach, which feels the same as it does when you're in line for a rollercoaster that you really don't want to go on, but your adrenaline from the last one isn't willing your feet to move away from the queue. 

But the gut wrenching churn of guilt and indisposed incline is strong enough to mask the heartbreak the same as an Advil would hide away a migraine, and kissing Leo is like taking four Advil's dry with no water. 

Leo's all too familiar. The sharp features, blue eyes, the clashing waves of a golden brown hair which was neatly flicked back into long tousles and even the rose of his lips which match the tan and perfect skin of his – It is all so reminding of a time where he was nothing but mine.

There's a sudden pressure, a genuine, piercing pain that spread throughout the mess of my chest and makes a curling nest from the shattering of my heart as I brokenly exhale at the sight of Leo, who though he wasn't drunk either, seemed intoxicated from the very way I stared, as his eyes glaze over when they met mine. 

In one quick second, I blink and the moment my eyes open once more in that same nano-second, his eyes have turned brown, the golden waves have burned into black and his skin has faded so pale, but a constellation of alluring freckles have sprouted upon his cheeks. It's devastating enough to allure a sharp gasp from my lips, in the moments before it fades, but it isn't familiar. It's new and the wound is only fresh before Kylo Ren dangerously tries to heal and twist back into Leo Grey in a flash.