Why Can't You Love Me

Chapter 9

Kev parked his car on the side of the street in front of our house. I take Liam's sleeping form out of the car seat and file into the house with everyone else quietly. I avoided going through the kitchen due to the blood-stained floor. I never really had a fear of blood but I know looking at the scene from my mother's suicide attempt would make me sick.

I take Liam to the boys' room with Ian following me carrying Carl. I pull Liam's coat off and place him in his crib. "Goodnight." I whisper and kiss his forehead. I walk over to mine and Deb's room and just lay face-first on my bed. I could say this day was the worst with Monica in the hospital and finding out that Karen's baby wasn't Lip, but I would be lying to myself. Is it too much to ask to have one normal day, just one?  

I change out of my clothes into a sweatshirt and shorts. "Night Debs," I whisper to her and kiss her forehead, as I pull away I feel her grab my clothes. "Can you stay with me in my bed tonight?" she asks me in a pleading voice. "Course." I pull the sheets above her head and feel her body latch onto mine as I lay on the bed. Her body shakes and all I can do is hold her tighter and whisper in her ear. "It's gonna be okay, I'm right here."

She shouldn't have to go through this, she should have to go or see any of this. Not Frank's drunk and drugged out body all over the place or Monica's depressed and suicidal body held up in a room all day.

I woke up in the middle of the night to see Debs gone from my side. I slowly get up to see where she went and pass by Fi's room to see Debs and Carl hugging her crying, I stay by the door and watch solemnly as my younger siblings cry and know I can't do anything to take away their pain. Soon I feel Ian beside me pulling me by my shoulder causing me to hug his side.

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I sit in front of Fiona as she makes breakfast with Ian sitting beside me. "Kids still sleeping?" she asks Jimmy walking down the stairs, "Yup."

"Back to being a legal resident around here Steve." Ian asks him, "Good question." I say looking at him. " Jimmy, his name is Jimmy now. Steve was an alias he used to lie to me about who he was." Fiona said passive-aggressively.

"Oh not cool, Jimmy-Steve," Ian says, making me laugh.

"I changed my name because I was stealing cars. I didn't want anyone to be able to track me down if things went south. It didn't have anything to do with you" he tries to explain. "Sure Jimmy-Steve," I respond, smirking, it's just a first name. Fiona didn't ask for any other information. 

I pick my phone out of my pocket walking out to the living room and dial Mandy's number, "Hey, what's up." she answered. "Hey, still on for that movie," I ask hopefully. "Yeah, come around at like six. Bring clothes and shit so you can stay over." She told me.

"Cool, see you," I say and hang up. I didn't want to talk about Thanksgiving day and being home was just a constant indication of what happened that entire night from kitchen to waiting room to the disappointment of the maternity ward.

I walk back into the kitchen and put eggs on my bread, "Ian wait up!" I called out to him seeing he was almost out the door. "Hey Ian, Lex tomorrow night we're gonna meet Jimmy's family, okay?" she told us with a smile. This causes me to raise my eyebrow and look back at Ian who had the same look of confusion.

"Really?" I asked her, we just got the guy to admit what his real name was. Once she nods I sigh, "Fine but Imma need to borrow a dress. Oh and I'm going to stay the night at a friend's house. Bye Fi." I tell her kissing her cheek and walking out the door behind Ian. 
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"What do you wanna watch?" she asks, "Doesn't matter, just put one of your favorites on," I tell her, grabbing the popcorn out of the microwave. I jump over the couch and take a seat beside her. She leans her head on my shoulder and I just stare, trying to memorize every feature of her. "What are you looking at?" she asks waving her hand