Why Can't You Love Me

Chapter 8

"What else did grammy buy you guys," Fiona asked the kids, forced to sell all sorts of things around the house to make up for the money Monica stole. "She still won't get out of her room," Debbie observes as she comes back downstairs with the breakfast she made for Monica.

"Don't go up there, I told you to leave her alone." Fiona reminds Debbie, knowing how hard it is as a child to see Monica like that. "I already have what I want for Christmas," Carl tells us, I walk over to make myself some toast and a cup of coffee.

"But how is she gonna eat." Debs questions, really worried about Mom's health, I was like her when I was younger. But I stopped knowing Monica could get better if she just took her pills. "An AR15 rifle," Carl says, of course, that's what he wants. "She'll figure it out when she gets hungry and no one's buying you a rifle." She tells them both.

"But Little Hank has a rifle, and Lex has a gun!" He points, "Little Hank was raised by wolves, and Lex is sixteen while you're nine." Fiona counters, causing him to groan and put down his book about guns. "What's wrong with her, she hasn't gotten out of bed in days." Debs says, confused by Monica's actions, "Mom bipolar Debs." Ian tells her, "So like the north and south pole." she tries to compare. "Sort of," Ian answers seeing as it wasn't a bad comparison. "What can we do to help?" she asks, "There's nothing to do Debs," Fiona tells her, trying to make her understand.

"I wish Lip were here," she tells us. I look over at Fiona, "We should call him, he'll know what to do.". "She'll be okay Debs, but we just can't help her right now. She needs to help herself, okay?" I softly tell her. She nods semi understanding what I was saying. I hug her and kiss her forehead. "I'll try," Ian tells her, taking the breakfast Debbie made and walking upstairs. Fiona tries to stop him but he was probably already at her room door.

"Depression is hereditary, Holy shit." Debs read off on the laptop. "Yes it is, but that doesn't mean we all get it. Like how only you and Ian have red hair. We all didn't get red hair. Some of us will get different genes than others. The depression gene is a part of that." I explain to her, she still looks worried about it though but it wears off as Carl tries to steal the laptop from her hand.

Ian comes down the stairs with breakfast untouched. "Did she get up?" Debs asked Ian but he just gave a look saying she wasn't getting up anytime soon. " Hey Ian can you empty out the pool, a homeless guy is bathing in it," Fiano asked Ian but he shakes his head no.

"Can't. I gotta go to work. Come on Lex we're gonna be late." Shit! I almost forgot. I take my toast, grab my jacket, and chase after Ian.

We walk side by side as we make our way to the Kash and Grab. "So, how's Monica?" I ask him, "Just laying like always." He told me, looking down. "I don't know why you went up there, it's just depressing." The last time I went into her room I broke down crying, it's just dark and pitiful.

"Didn't you like her when she was here?" he asks me.

"Yes, I always like it when she's here as our mom. But without fail, things get fucked up. She almost got Carl killed, she tried to get us to enlist and made a fool of herself at the recruiting station. And she spent all of our squirrel fund money. We all chose to ignore it when it was good but we know all knew that this was gonna happen. Lip was the only one who left before she could ruin what he had going." I tell him but he just shakes his head.

"I miss having a mom just as much as the rest of us do. But I guess it hurts less now because I never truly believed." I tell him sadly. "Yeah, but wouldn't want the chance to believe it?" he asked me.

"What do you mean?" not understanding what he was asking. "Like, not having to worry about having a mom just coming and going." he explains, "Yeah, that would have been nice," I reply looking up, I wish it would have been that nice.