I'm Tired || Daisuga

- Crack a Smile

WARNING: Contains thoughts of suicide and other triggering things, if you are easily triggered, please click away. (This notion will be above every chapter)

Prologue:

Everything was spinning, I choked out a ragged breath. The room looked blurry, or maybe it was just my eyes.

How many did I even take...?

Turning the half-empty bottle of Aspirin in my hands, I saw the label. I could barely read it; 'pain relief', '325mg per tablet', '1000 tablets'.

Half a bottle should be just about enough to kill me, right..?

Two days prior:

My face beamed with forced excitement at the mention of a training camp our club was attending in two weeks. No one could tell the difference between my fake and real smile, they'd only ever really seen one of the two. Well, except Daichi, the smiles he saw had all my love for the captain poured into them. The love of our friendship throughout these past three years, the love for his warmth and kindness he gave so flippantly, and the love for him that was despicable, and unworthy, because I am a boy and so is he.

I didn't want to go to the training camp because I was tired. Tired of trying so hard to keep my act together for everyone else. But like the coach said, I'm needed on this team for my stability. If only he knew that, on the inside, I'd been crumbling for so long no one would ever know. All they saw were the smiles and joy, not the tears or emptiness in my eyes, all they heard was my advice and laughter, they didn't notice the pleas for help and the desperate attempts to be heard.

I couldn't ask for help directly, because I had to be the best role model; the perfect upperclassmen with ideal grades, a loving family, a happy smile and good attitude. But for a year now, those things had been respectively dying out. Starting with my perfection, people began to notice how odd my hair colour was, or how small and weak I seemed compared to other boys my age. Then my grades slipped when Kageyama replace me as Karasuno's official setter, I wasn't good enough anymore, but when I asked my family for advice, my mother ignored me, and my father scolded me for not trying hard enough. I'd never forget the words he repeated every night after that...

"Did you fix yourself?" he asked every night during dinner, and as an only child, there was no changing the subject.

My hair is still grey, I am still thin and frail.

I've been in love with a boy for months.

My grades have not surpassed a C+ too long.

I'm no longer Karasuno's setter.

My parent's no longer care about me.

"No, I haven't fixed myself," I'm still broken.

"Suga?" Hinata's face was suddenly the only thing I could see.

"Huh?" was the only noise I could manage. Pathetic.

"Takeda-sensei said we could go get changed now," he jumped up, revealing that we were the only ones left in the gym, "Are you coming? Or are you going to stay here all night?" he joked, laughing a little. I shot up, snapping back to reality and plastered a sarcastic smile on my face.

"Don't sass me like that!" I felt a rush of dizziness overcome me and barely managed to stay standing. Though the orange haired middle blocker didn't see me fumble, having already bolted outside to race Kageyama home. Good, I can't worry him, he's got too much talent to waste time fretting over me.

I hurriedly got changed and headed for the club room exit, but Daichi stopped me. I didn't know what to do, should I brush him off? Maybe give him a hug and apologise? Kiss him and profess my unrequited love for my best friend? Nope, definitely not.