Outlaws - An American Youth - [Charles Smith x OC]

Chapter 58 - A little soul

During the weeks following the announcement of my pregnancy, Charles kept busy preparing for the arrival of this longed-for child. During the long winter evenings, he built a cradle with his hands, transforming our living room into a real workshop. I gently laughed at him and his eagerness, reminding him that it would take another two full seasons before the baby was here. But he didn't care. He who had wandered on the roads a good part of his life, he was finally entitled to a normal life, to a family. And nothing could make him happier.

One day Joseph came to my office with a colored booklet in his hand.

"Hello Anna. In there you will find everything you need, everything is available from my supplier. I leave it to you, you just tell me what you want to order."

I frowned, not understanding what he was talking about before looking down at the cover, realizing this was a catalog for pregnant women and young kids. I was stunned. My stomach was barely out, and I hadn't said anything to Liz yet, preferring to wait a little longer. But Charles had been there. He had shouted it from the rooftops, a little more than I would have liked. I sighed then thanked Joseph.

In a moment of calm, I leafed through the catalog, taking myself to dream of what life would be like with this little being. That evening I came home excited. Forgetting to be careful, I showed Charles what I had spotted to fill our child's room.

By this time, I had forgotten all my medical lessons. I was no longer the woman of science, aware of the risks of early pregnancy, but a simple pregnant woman, exuding the joy of soon being a mother.

----

I was in my office when this happened. I felt it immediately, a violent cramp running through my stomach. With difficulty, I called a young running boy who was passing by, asking him to go get Nelly and Liz. This one was the first to arrive. She froze when she saw my face twisted in pain.

"I'm bleeding" I said between two breaths.

She understood immediately. She had three children, aged two to eight. But she too, like most women in our time, had experienced this ordeal that I was going through. She moved closer to me and supported me to my exam table. I was twisted in half from the cramps and I would never have done it without her help.

She helped me lie down before going to get some water to wipe my forehead. Then she held my hand until Nelly arrived. The midwife did not take long to confirm what we already knew. I was losing the baby. Without a word, she walked over to her satchel and pulled out some instruments. I stared at the ceiling throughout the operation, barely feeling Liz's reassuring caresses on my forehead. All I could think of through the pain and discomfort was Charles. How was I going to tell him?

I was a doctor, I should have known this might happen. It was my first pregnancy and I wasn't very young, the odds were against us. But I had let myself be carried away by the joy of my husband and I had forgotten everything. Now I was crying for a life that never would be, never even was. I couldn't help but rehash the same thoughts. Maybe I was too old. Maybe I was not meant to live a real woman's life. Maybe we were cursed because of our past.

My two friends stayed by my side, even after it was over. Liz tried to convince me to stay and sleep at her place for the night, Joseph would have gone to look for Charles. I refused. I sat up slowly, pretending to be better. My stomach was still contracting irregularly, sending shocks all over my body. But more than anything I wanted to go back and find my protective cocoon. Find Charles's arms again, though I wanted to keep him in the dark for as long as possible. Let him still dream of himself as a father when my womb had just deprived him of this chance.

They helped me get into the cart that I had been using since the start of my pregnancy. Nelly reminded me of the symptoms to watch out for, the risk of infection still being present. She told me that she would come see me the next morning and made me promise to send Charles to pick her up at the slightest warning sign. I thanked her in a whisper before throwing my mare down the path. The hardest journey of my life.