your static voice beside mine

a bittersweet notion

The next day at work was troubling to say the least. Not that the work was particularly taxing. All Josh had to do was check boxes and packages and repeat the same old cycles. But it was his thoughts and questions from last night that set him on edge. He just couldn't believe that Johnny answered the phone like that, so abrupt and straight to the point. And the subject matter...it made Josh's stomach churn. He couldn't dwell on it that much without bringing up repressed memories he'd rather forget.

Pretty soon he was closing up shop and heading home, with the sun setting behind him and the streetlights passing by his window. He got home and was greeted by his four roommates.

"Hey Josh!" one of them, Dustin, said with a smile.

"Hey guys," Josh replied. "Where were you last night?"

"Oh, we just went out to the bar," another one, Ethan, said as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. Max, the last of the bunch, went and did the same.

Dustin seemed to be the nicest of the group, with a broad figure and a half-grin. But at the end of the day, Josh didn't care. As much as he hated himself for it, he could care less about his roommates, and the people he saw and encountered every day. Faces and names and features all muddled into nothing for him. How can he be expected to care about others when he can't even care about himself?

Josh seemed to ask himself that a lot. He uses it as a defense, most likely to prevent himself from getting close to others. And I guess that's a valid reaction. If you've been hurt by the ones closest to you, it's hard to open up to new people. You'd expect them to do the same thing as the countless others in your life. At least, that's what Josh believed.

After the conversation dwindled, Josh headed to his room, where he sat on his bed and looked out the window. He frowns. He missed the sunset.

"Hey, we're all going out for dinner in a few. Wanna come?" Dustin says as he pops his head through the bedroom's doorway.

"I think I'll pass on this one. Just a bit tired. Thanks though," Josh says with a slight groan.

"Ok then. Let me know if you change your mind."

Josh waits until Dustin closes his door before he mumbles "Seriously doubt it."

The life Josh is living isn't ideal to say the least. What teenager would want to grow up working minimum wage with no college degree and living with three other guys who have all done variations of the same thing? He lays on his back and begins to get lost in his hazy thoughts flashing in his mind.

Who knows how much time went by, but the sun was down and the stars were out and shining beautifully. The off-white glow against the deep blues purples and blacks of the sky were enough to capture Josh's attention for a while. Oh, what it would be like to be a star, shining and fulfilling its purpose of radiance. What it would be like to shine among others just like you. A lovely thought indeed, but one of grandeur and falsity.

And suddenly, Josh's attention from the nighttime sky is offset by his phone ringing again. He grabs his well worn phone and answers it without a second to spare.