dysfunctional

holding on

"Why are you so fucking insecure!" He screamed into my already piercing eardrums.
"You think you can walk all over me whenever you want, you inconsiderate bitch! That's not the case! I'm sorry I'm busy but that doesn't mean you can blow me off! I'm not seeing anyone else, what the fuck makes you think that you can?" He pushed me and I fell to the ground.
"Who the fuck do you think you are"
He threw something at me, cold. Hard.
"STOP FUCKING CRYING DAMMIT"
He got down on the ground and grabbed me by the shoulders
"Look at me, Bri!"
I can't. I hold my shaking hands to my face and try as hard as I can to look down when he grabs my face and turns me towards him-
"Why won't you fucking look at me"
-
"baby please stay" he yelled to me as I was running down the narrow driveway. "I love you" he yelped.
No you don't, you never have.
I'm just an option to you, Niall.

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the thing about broken clocks is that you can always tell when they have stopped ticking; with people it isn't so easy
sometimes you can't even tell that they're broken
-
It's been a year with him. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. Overwhelmed with the mere thought of him. But how do I know he's thinking about me, how do I know he actually loves me. He says he does, at least one side of him.
I don't know why I'm still with him.
He is so conflicting, damn.
He is arrogant, ignorant, and self centered. God I hate him. I hate the way he hits me, I hate how deep his voice gets when he's mad. I hate the way his gorgeous blue eyes darken around the edges, I hate the way he smiles and kisses me. Oh, the way he kisses me. I love the softness of his pale lips. I love the way he tastes. I love him.
-
"good morning beautiful" he whispered into my ear before he kissed my cheek as gently as he could. "good morning Niall,"
He slept over last night after our 'year-a-versary' date that he made up. He took me to a little pub in his hometown, and we went to go hangout with the boys.

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!"
Lou, Liam, Zayn, and Harry cheered as Sophia and Perrie set off their hand held confetti guns.
-
"What are you saying" he screamed into the bathroom mirror, holding his hands to the sides of his head.
"STOP" he yelled again.
He threw everything off of the counter and hit the wall
"Please, stop" he whimpered as he skidded down the wall to the bathroom floor.
He started crying, and yelling my name.
He'd left to the bathroom a couple of minutes ago and left me to talk to the girls.
"BRI" he whined. "BABY"
I ran back to the bathroom to find him with his head rest in his hands.
"What's wrong with me" he cried into my shoulder as I got on the ground and held him in my arms.
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