from august to december

chapter thirty

even though it was cold today, yuri didn't want to waste the day.
he wanted every day he spent from now on to be special and memorable.

tw, suicide dream

when yuri made up with himself and it decided it was finally time to let go of his limited time on earth, because he felt like he didn't have purpose, he had a dream.

a dream where that exact thing happened, where he died by his own hands.

and not a lot of people showed up on his funeral in that dream, even though he still spoke at it.
he held a speech at his own funeral and even dropped his casket into the grave.

it continued with him being stuck on earth, as a ghost, he was alone.
now, in fact, the next part was very blurry, he just remembered seeing a video of himself and regretting what he had done deeply.

just a few hours ago, he had been alive, making videos of himself, and now all of it was gone.
he was gone, his presence was erased, and he cried, desperately wanting to breathe again.

and then he woke up.

now, whenever someone mentions death to him, he gets that weird feeling in his stomach, as it it wasn't that far away from him anymore but he was sure that if he died by his own hands, he'd regret it.

so he broke the promise he had made with himself before this occurred and made a new one to continue despite everything.

and not to waste any second ever again.

tw end

"we're going to the amusement park?" eden exclaimed and jumped up in excitement, what made the other even more happy about his plans today.

"yeah, and i also have a surprise for you," he explained while fishing out something from his pocket.

he walked through the living room, sliding off his shoes and opening the window to the balcony.
eden followed him curiously and wrapped his arms around his body because of the sudden cooler temperature.

the wind was softly blowing around their legs and brushing their hair into their faces.

yuri held a cigarette in his hand, he had written something on it.

while still keeping eye contact with eden, he lit it on fire.
"these are all my regrets, and this is the last one i will ever smoke, and with it, my regrets will be gone."

before the black haired could even say anything, he had already taken the second one from out of his pocket, together with a black sharpie and was handing it to eden.

a simple nod was enough, the younger understood what yuri wanted him to do.
and so he also wrote his deepest regrets onto that cigarette, a few tears were even staining his face now.

he looked like he was finally able to let go a little.

actually, he wanted to talk to yuri about what he had written down, but he decided not to, in case the dark haired didn't care.
he was still used to him being cold.

"should we talk about what we wrote down?" yuri asked, inhaling the cigarette deeply into his lung and feeling a sharp pain as he did so.

eden raised his eyebrows before taking the lighter out of the others hand and using it for his own cigarette.

"do you care about what i've written down?" he answered with another question and sniffled.

communication was the key to them having a better relationship, so they both decided not to keep anything from each other anymore, and they didn't even have to make that promise out loud.

"yes. i care. but i'm not sure if you trust me enough to share it yet."

eden nodded.
"can you start?" he requested, looking up at the other man as he lifted the cigarette to his mouth, closing his eyes with the first inhale on the smoke.

yuri shifted and leaned against the window frame, his messy hair falling onto his forehead. shino's pants were a little loose around his waist, which was unusual because they had pretty much the same weight.

"my lack of empathy," he stated, tapping the ashes of the cigarette on the floor carelessly.

the younger moved next to the other, leaning against the other side of the window frame and blowing out the smoke.
he didn't inhale it into his lungs, but rather kept it just in his mouth.

eden simply looked at the view, he decided it was best not to comment more on this.

"for me, my biggest regret is playing around when i should have been serious."

and yuri also didn't comment on that, they just stood next to each other, until yuri moved a little closer to eden, wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pressed his slightly smaller body against him.

eden enjoyed that little affection and rested his head against the others shoulder.

after a few minutes, the cigarettes were smoked and yuri softly removed his arm.

"alright, are you ready?"

and the younger jumped around happily before rushing back inside, taking a thin jacket from his wardrobe and ran to tie his shoes.

"i'm forcing you to go on the big rides with me," eden laughed, poking yuri's stomach before swinging the door open and sprinting down the hallway.

the other had a hard time catching up with him, but once he did, he moved in front of eden, so that he couldn't move past him anymore.

"no, you're not," he said in a very stern voice and eden was scared for a moment, before yuri suddenly started running to the elevator.

"only if you're first at the car," he yelled back and eden sighed while rolling his eyes playfully, now also sprinting because his ego was too big to let the other win.

but he was too slow, yuri also stood at the door of the driver's seat and pretended to look at an imaginary watch on his wrist when eden exited the apartment complex breathlessly.

"guess that's settled then," yuri teased and opened his car door, starting the engine and then waiting for eden to move into the passengers seat, and once he had secured his seatbelt, they drove off.

it took them about twenty minutes to get there, and the amusement park was huge.

a ferris wheel right in the middle, lots of rollercoasters around the side, stands with cotton candy and roasted almonds everywhere.

yuri stopped the car and opened the passengers seat to let eden out.

"what a gentlemen," the younger laughed and gracefully took the others hand as he exited the car.

the smell of gingerbread and sweet popcorn filled the air, this felt like a real date.

especially when yuri suddenly reached for his back back in the trunk and held out a camera.

but not just any camera, it was leo's old camera, he wanted to continue to use it in honor of the youngest, because he would probably still take a million photos whenever he got the chance.

eden smiled.

"you should give it back to leo soon, he probably already misses it," he whispered.

"i will, just stand there, i'll take a picture of you because he isn't here with us today," the other tried rescuing the situation while pointing to the starting point of the amusement park.

eden happily jumped over and got himself into position.

"promise you're gonna invite him next time as well?" he asked in a puppy like voice.

and yuri could just nod and hope not to cry.