Heartbeat

41| Farewell

"What?!," I said. I quickly turned to look at Damien and worry washed over his eyes. The look on his face was enough to tell me what Rosa meant.

I spared no time to ask her questions of what was going on. Instead I ran, knowing where Holden's room was, I ran. I heard footsteps behind me, telling me that Damien and Rosa were just behind me.

I couldn't think straight. My gaze flit from one object to another but I couldn't settle on one, I was just trusting my feet to take me to where I was supposed to go. The image of Holden's pale face filled my head.

No this can't be it yet.

Not today.

Just not today.

Of all days not today.

My eyes caught sight of a familiar doorway so I quickly stopped in my tracks and head inside. There I saw Dr. Hudson looking at her clipboard, wearing a visible frown.

"Dr. Hudson......," I said softly and she quickly looked up from her clipboard as soon as she heard me. Even she couldn't keep a stoic face. Her lips quivered as she struggled to keep them neutral.

"Alexandria.....," she said and the mention of my first name would've been a shock but I just wasn't bothered about it. There were other matters in my head. I looked at Holden and he was awake but he looked even weaker from when I last saw him but he was staring at the ceiling, refusing to meet my eyes.

I looked to the doorway and saw Rosa and Damien just standing outside, hesitant to even step foot in the room. Dr. Hudson pulled me into the corner of the room, out of earshot from anyone else.

I was quick to ask, "How bad is it?" Dr. Hudson peruses her clipboard, looking at the information she had jotted down. She pursed her lips then said, "He won't make it beyond tonight."

My heart sunk at the news.

He promised.

He promised he'll be here.

He promised me he'll stay a little longer.

Dr. Hudson put a hand on my shoulder then said, "I'll give you two some time alone, I'll be outside."

I stared at the wall but I listened to the sound of her footsteps grow fainter until all I could hear was my own breathing and the heart rate monitor.

I slowly turned to face Holden and saw that he was still staring at the ceiling. I couldn't see his face so I couldn't deduce how he could be feeling but judging by the silence, I knew he wasn't handling it well.

I felt my chest tighten and my mouth opened to say something but no words came out. I closed my lips and I looked at Holden again but he still continued to stare at the ceiling. I slowly walked up to his bed then said, "Holden."

His head slowly looked down to face me. His face was sickly pale, almost like paper, the purple hue on his lips even more vivid. I expected him to smile but he just stared at me. I sat on his bed beside him and I placed my hand on his.

I expected us to just sit there in silence but he spoke. "I know I have always said that I already knew this was coming and that I've accepted it but it doesn't feel that way right now," he said as he laced his fingers through mine. He then said shakily, "I used to be so brave about leaving this world but now I don't even know if I really want to go."

"Of course Holden, there's still so much of life that you have to experience," I pointed out but he shook his head. "That's not the point," he said, "I'm not scared to leave for my own sake, I just......don't want to leave you, I still want to have moments with you, I still want another memory to keep......I want another kiss....another hug.....hear you greet me in the morning and hear your voice before I fall asleep."