I'm A Walking Disaster (jalex)

Unhealthy Obsessions

Chapter Sixteen

Title from Toxic Valentine by All Time Low.

Jack and I agreed on being friends, we also agreed that we wouldn't talk about his eating disorder.
He didn't call it an eating disorder, the rest of the conversation mainly went on with..

Me: okay..I'm not leaving you though, I promise.

Jack: I won't leave you.. but let's just not talk about it, okay?

And with that I agreed, mainly because I was scared that he wouldn't want to be friends if I pushed him into talking about it.

I will help him, weather he knows it or not, I am going to get him out.
I might eventually get him to talk about it, or I could wait until he brings it up, or I could continue to do things that will help, I've already helped him improve, he just doesn't know.

Is there a reason he isn't trying to get out?

Right now it was music therapy, it takes place of recreational therapy every other Wednesday.
There was a volunteer sitting in the front, strumming an acoustic guitar. Each person had a random Instrument, I was stuck with the bongos, as Jack was unenthusiastically shaking the maracas.
Vic, Jonny, Josh, and Oli noticed Jack and I talking again. The four of them sat together, talking and laughing as I sat alone in the very back with Jack.

Some part of Jack seemed thankful to have me, he wasn't alone anymore.

My other four friends seemed content without me, I know that if I got out, or if I never came here, they would be perfectly fine. They would still have each other. But Jack is alone without me, and no matter how much he denies it.
I know he secretly thanks me in some ways.

"We should make a band" I joked, hitting the bongos in an unserious way, he continued to shake the maracas.

"What should it be called?" he pulled my joke further, giving me a smirk.
I felt my face grow warm as I studied his smirk, even though today was bad for the most part, right now it's turning out okay.

"Uh, The Marangos" I said, putting Maracas and Bongos together. Jack chuckled at me and nodded, looking down at his badly painted, red maracas.
We stayed like that, making our horrid duet with the unwanted Instruments. The room collectively sounded like a kindergarten music class.

---

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Jack and I said together, laughing as he got the rock and I got the paper.

"Yeah, motherfucker, I win" I bragged, winking at the attractive boy sitting cross legged on his bed. Jack just rolled his eyes playfully, putting his hand into a fist, signaling for us to play again.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" We said it again together for about the sixtieth time.
This time we both landed on scissors, he looked up at me and chuckled, I shrugged and put my hands back into the form.

"Last time, whoever wins this one..whoever loses owes the winner a favor" Jack said, adding determination. This was more Interesting than just Rock, Paper, Scissors now. Now there was an actual prize involved.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" I glanced down at his hands formed into the paper, and down at mine formed into scissors.
I gave a sound of approval, pumping one of my fists into the air enthusiastically.

"Fuck you" Jack rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile on his lips. I chuckled at him, winking in his direction.
For a second he looked almost surprised, then a bit red, he turned his face towards the door as if he was actually looking to see if anyone was coming in here.

What was that?

I scooted back to the wall beside my bed, looking out the window. I looked down at the world, people walked from small shops to small shops, cars drove past the hospital, not even second guessing what kind of people are trapped in the hospital.
None of them knowing that I'm looking down on them.

A few seconds later Jack was climbing onto my bed too, He sat against the wall, on the opposite side of the window.
I was a little hesitant as we weren't supposed to have physical contact, if someone saw him on my bed they might take points off.

"I haven't looked out a window since I got here" Jack said in a quiet voice, his expression was almost saddened but fascinated at the same time. I studied the way his smile widened when he looked up at me, his smile was beautiful.
"I like it" He said with a small smile, I chuckled at him.

I like you.

"It's kind of beautiful" He said, his face getting a little red. I never expected him to see anything as Beautiful, he seems so negative about everything.

You're beautiful.

I felt my face growing red as I thought further about him. I don't know what I'm feeling, I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling and honestly I'm scaring myself with the confusion.
I'm gay, Jack is gay.
I don't think I love him, but I don't know.
I've never loved anyone outside of family.
Of course there were people I fancied or became fond of, but I've never fallen in love with anyone.

"Are you okay?" He asked when I met eyes with him, I didn't move for a second, he looked concerned. I just stared into his beautiful eyes for a few seconds, wanting to fling my whole body Into his.
I want him to hold me.
I realized that I've silently been obsessing over Jack, I've been obsessed about what he's doing, if he's okay, my feelings for him. In general I've been obsessing about him. It was quiet an unhealthy obsession, to think about one boy this much.

I'm pretty sure it's dangerous for me to feel this way about someone as self destructive as Jack.

"Alex? Are you okay?" Jack asked again, this time I slightly nodded, running my hand over my face.

"I'm confused, Jack" I said in a whisper, he looked unsure, he seemed confused too. I glanced out the window and back at him, we sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"What are you confused about?" He whispered in the same tone I used. I looked him straight in the eye, he looked back at me with his perfect face.
His perfect everything.

"I'm confused about you, Jack" I whispered after glancing up at the clock and realizing it was time for dinner, I swiftly got off my bed and walked out of the room, not glancing back at Jack.