I'm A Walking Disaster (jalex)

You Left Your Mark

Chapter Seven

Title from Holly (would you turn me on?) by All Time Low

"Alex!" I heard Vic call from the other side of the cafeteria, I'm sure he saw my confused expression as I didn't see them at my usual table. I snapped my attention towards Vic's voice and saw that just him and Josh were seated, he waved me over and I anxiously walked over.

Vic saw me panicking in the hall.

"Hey" he said warmly as I took a seat beside him

"hi" I said quietly, Vic looked almost sympathetic. Josh was stirring around his cereal and Vic took a spoonful into his mouth. I didn't like milk, I've never liked it, cereal isn't something I would usually eat..But here there isn't a choice, I have to eat at least a little to show them that eating isn't an issue for me.

I remembered something being said about Josh having an eating disorder so I wasn't sure why he was allowed to eat in the cafeteria, I heard that people with eating disorders had to eat in their room so they could be monitored.

Vic cleared his throat "I heard some commotion down the hall at like three last night, anyone know what happened?" he questioned, obviously trying to bring up a topic.

Josh looked up and shook his head "uh, I wasn't awake but we can ask Jonny when we play cards later" him mentioning Jonny made me wonder where him and Oli were, I glanced behind me and let my eyes land on Jonny, he was sitting with Oli and Craig. "probably Andrew..lately he's just gotten worse" Josh brought my attention back to the topic.

Vic was shaking his head shamefully "he doesn't deserve this" Vic mumbled, Josh agreed as I did. "he's only fourteen and he's been here so long" Vic seemed generally upset

"he's a pretty fucked up kid" Josh muttered, Vic sighed.

"I just hate that he's the youngest kid here and he's been here the second longest" Vic said shamefully, we both nodded in agreement.

Josh shrugged and picked up his spoon "I heard that if Jack isn't better within a month they're moving him to a long term institution" the table went completely silent and Vic almost let his mouth drop. I felt a ping of guilt hit me, but why? Jack has never done anything good for me, he has never given me a reason to like him.

"No..Really?" Vic asked in a hushed tone.

Josh shook his head "most people are here from a week to a month to two months..Jack has been here for a year" I began to wonder how long they've been here and how they know how long Jacks been here.

I stayed silent as they conversed about Jack and Andrew, Vic defending Andrew with everything while Josh said he'll get out when he gets better.

When breakfast was over I lost points for not finishing my cereal, Vic finished his, Josh didn't either..

When we were leaving the nurses stopped Vic to make sure he didn't take anything to hurt him, even though I couldn't see how he could hurt himself with a spoon. I remembered the fork I hid under my pillow and I instantly felt my legs begin to itch as I craved injuring myself.

It's fucking sick to think like this..

I rushed out of the cafeteria as I have fifteen minutes before group and the urges were starting to take hold of my mind. Maybe I can get it in before group? I felt shaky as I rushed into the room, I stopped as Jack laid on the bed, his glance fell to me and I noticed his nurse standing up to leave. His nurse smiled at me and I warmly smiled back, not letting her notice my shakiness and my need to feel pain, she passed me on the way out and almost instantly I began scheming ways to get Jack out. I shuffled over to my bed, my stomach reacting with a tight pull of anxiety, Jack was focused back on the ceiling.