Mirage (ON HOLD for revision)

Chapter 28: Father and Son

Luka headed in first, which Matt didn't mind. He was nervous, to be frank. After all, it has been six years since he last saw his father and for most of his life he believed that they would never see each other again. He expected some time to pass before he hears anything from Luka upon sending that mail. But the reply came instantly, barely an hour later, as if Luka read the mail, rushed back to the home and showed it to Robert for a response. The image fit Luka perfectly, and it put a small smile on Matt's face. In any case, Luka was on his side, and his father's. And if their little reunion goes awry, Luka would be there to help them return to how things were before; just mere voices over the phone.

The place gave a different feeling from when Matt was in the hospital with Mari. It wasn't even a hospital to begin with, but it felt similar and different somehow. There were old people in wheel chair, walking around with canes, some proudly walked on their own feet with trembling knees-- all clinging to dear life, and Matt wondered whether it's because they have something worth staying for or they have yet to find it.

"Come in," Luka said finally, breaking Matt's train of thoughts.

Matt followed Luka into a comfortably-sized room with a small, round table on the right corner, adjacent to a single bed. Robert, a mere shadow as he stood with his back against Matt, was by the window, holding the curtains open with his right hand before letting it fall and finally facing Matt.

"Hello, Matt."

"Hi, dad."

The same exchange, same tone of voice, and yet very different. They were silent after, not knowing what else to say, yet eager to acknowledge each other's presence.

"I'll get you guys something to drink. What are you having, Matt?" Luka asked to fill the quiet, taking the opportunity to give the two some privacy.

"Water, I guess," Matt replied, to which Robert smiled.

"Get him some lemonade," Robert said with a smile in his voice.

"Roger that," Luka replied and closed the door behind him.

The mention of lemonade, something that Sonia always made for him when he was young, took Matt off guard. He didn't expect for Robert to be the first to talk about the past, even in the vaguest way.

"Sit down," Robert said, occupying one of the two chairs on the right side of the table.

Matt followed and sat opposite his father, still unable to say anything more.

Exactly what did I come here for, Matt thought as he stared at the varnished, wooden table, counting the years the tree must have lived before being cut down. He wanted to talk, but didn't know where to start. Robert hasn't said anything since, which made it all the more difficult to speak.

Little Robert, that's what Mari's step father called him. They were too similar.

"What are you doing here, Matt?"

Without meaning to, Matt looked up and met Robert's eyes, looking into them in shock. It was within expectations, Matt told himself, but it doesn't mean he was prepared to hear his own father's resentment towards him.

"I'm sorry," Matt managed to say through clenched teeth. He averted his gaze to his hands, clutching fervently at his knees as if it would help keep him together when he wasn't even falling apart.

He felt his face burn, and the heat quickly crept behind his eyes. He had so many things to say, staying awake through the 16-hour flight just to get his thoughts in order, and yet he could only say those two words. Not enough, Matt thought bitterly, hardly enough to make up for all his sins.

"Why are you the only apologizing?"

To Matt's surprise, he found himself in Robert's arms, his face pressed to Robert's cotton shirt, cold from the open window he stood by earlier.

"If you apologize to me," Robert said, almost in a whisper, "I wouldn't have anyone else to divert this anger in me to anymore."

He got thinner, Matt thought, older, weaker, but his resolve remains the same. They were similar after all, which also means they both blame themselves for things that weren't their fault.

"Apologize," Robert whispered as he knelt in front of his son.

Matt took a deep breath, "I've got nothing to apologize for."