The Host - Before And After The Rain

Chapter 18 - Home

You can read Wanda's version of that night in my other story "After the Rain".

On that same night, the future had arrived. Wanda was distracted and embarrassed all day, but I was so enjoying that game. Something primitive and animal has awakened in me, my hunter instincts sharpening as I probed my helpless prey. Would this be our private little game now?

Everything was as usual, we had dinner, talked, showed interest in the presence of our friends. But I knew I was accompanied in the heat of my desire. Wanda's hands teased me in a non deliberate way, resting idly on my face, my arms, my back, wherever they could touch. But through every touch, I knew.

Unrushed, we stayed with our friends in the kitchen, like we always do. I didn't want Wanda to deal with any anxiety. No need to rush eternity. Gradually, everybody retreated to their rooms. Mel gave me a suggestive wink. "Mission accomplished", her eyes told me. Jared's eyes flew worried from me to Wanda. But I did not care. This had nothing to do with him.

Lily and Jamie were last. She was excited about the possibility of having the game room back, since we didn't have to sleep there anymore. She was happy, I mean, as much as she could be those days. And Wanda was glad to see her smiling. Me too. Life and love went on here in the caves of Arizona. Some of the last humans perpetuating our hope in the planet. A few dozen and two human souls. And my future with mine was going to start that night.

Finally, Jamie, who was lying on one of the benches with his head on Wanda's legs, got up and went to his new room. It was just me and her now. No excuses, no more waiting. Just us and our desire that radiated through the stone walls of the corridors that we rushed through on the way to our bedroom.

I took Wanda in my arms at some point, the contact with her body igniting the chaos in my mind. There was nothing rational about me now. I was hungry as a wolf.

At the door, I stopped. From now on, this would be our home and I wanted her to come in here as forever she would be: in my arms. I kissed her furiously, suddenly very conscious that this woman was mine. The strong desire that I felt since I realized I loved her culminated in that moment.

In one swift motion, I folded one of my legs in the air and put Wanda sitting on it, since she really weighed nothing. My eyes were dazzled with the contours of her body that I traced with one of my hands. I used the free one to push the door that fell with a thud, hanging over some boxes that had been behind it. I gently placed her on the bed, worrying about the fall, because I didn't want to hurt her.

A less happy memory popped into my mind. The last time it happened. Of how I once wanted to hurt her, or hurt her heart, when my own was aching too much.

I turned my back to rearrange the door and the events of past months flew fast through my mind. I could feel doubt settling in again. Everything in me torn between this mind, who insisted on rationalizing, and my body, that demanded control of everything. Life was not easy for a caveman. A primitive Ian, that I kept in the back of my head, roared angrily at my rational and insecure side. But the good and honored guy reminded him that Wanda had not yet fallen in love with the wolf, only with the gentleman. And he was the one she needed now. It was necessary to postpone my happiness a little more so she could be happy too.

"Wanda, we need to talk", I said, hating myself for that hellish feeling that I had to be a man of honor, when all I wanted was to free an inner animal. Damn double personality!

"Ian, do you think I don't know what is about to happen? That I don't know what I want?"

"It's not that. I know you understand. And you don't have any idea how it makes me feel when you say that it's what you want ..." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, my hand grabbing my own hair in an automatic gesture, as if I tried to fan the air to my blazing thoughts. "I just don't know if you understand what that means for our relationship from a... from a human point of view."