Soulmates - Steve Rogers x reader

Please forgive me

It had been days now, you were tired but your heart was slowly healing. Steve had tried to make it up to you he got flowers for you every morning, would make you breakfast in bed and would stop you in the hall to try and talk to you and everyday you would ask him "do you love me" and he always returned it with "I'm not sure" and everyday your heart would break a little more. I know they say people turn on the one they feel safest with, make them the target instead of those that might warrant it. But I can't forget what you did, what you said, what you thought is was alright to do to me. With a gun to my head I would never have done those things to you. I would have rather died. So to know how worthless my love was to you is the knife that sets me free, cuts the mooring rope. And I'm better off this way, adrift from your shore, safer.

The moment I slide into my chair I'm served an enormous platter of food. Eggs, ham, piles of fried potatoes. A tureen of fruit sits in ice to keep it chilled. The basket of rolls they set before me would keep my family going for a week. There's an elegant glass of orange juice. You looked up and saw Steve. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guess he must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away. It didn't help that he was so modest with it, it made the girls fall for him all the more. Despite all the opportunity that came his way he was a one-woman-man who prized genuineness and thoughtful conversation above lipstick and high-heels. He was handsome alright, but inside he was beautiful but he wasn't yours.

You stood up ignoring Steve's please to stay "do you love me" you hoped he said something.  You hoped that he would hold you in his arms and kiss you like you had wished, or maybe for him to hold you in his arms and to tell you this was some sick joke. "I'm not sure" your heart broke was this what he felt every time you rejected him. You let out a loud laugh all humour gone from your voice you sounded insane, desperate.....heartbroken. Once you were my sunshine, the one for whom I lit from the inside. I used to feel a frisson of love even if my thoughts turned your way for only a moment. The image of your face once conjured my smile; I would yearn to dive into your eyes. I would have done anything you asked, given you whatever you wished for. 

You decide that your done and head to your to leave. You'll be gone before he even realises, if he even realises. It is time for me to leave, for good. What was going on inside of you at that time was difficult, from the way you behaved it must have been painful. Yet there are times we must protect the self, protect our own hearts and souls if the damage from a friend is too much. I wanted to walk with you through any and every storm, but it was akin to trying to hold a toddler who scratched and bit for years whilst alone. And though I tried, you broke me, literally, in pieces. So I'm taking this rebuilt version of myself, "Me 2.0," and I'm going to find friends who love me and treat me well. I would always stay with a friend in any storm, yet walking into the same storm that once left me for dead, not a chance in hell. There is such sadness in leaving a place of strong love, a place where fond memories grew as fast as the clover in the grass. I know I will savour each memory so strongly that it will almost live once more. I know that the strands of love will keep us together even when we are far apart. I only have to reach out with my mind and there you are, waiting to shower me with the love you always did. But right now it is my time to depart, to do what I was born to do, to make the changes and the sacrifices that are necessary. Don't think that me leaving means I love you less, know that it means I love you more.

"Wait!" A voice says from behind you "where are you going" "away" "stay" "I can't" you say turning to him. You see the pain in his eyes and almost stay but you can't "do you love me" you said before slipping out the window not waiting for an answer. You couldn't deal with another rejection. "Yes, I love you with my everything" but it was too late you were gone. Steve broke down on the floor silent tears shed from his eyes. His wild heart longs for you; He have asked for you in my every prayer. Your leaving him alone is like some reflex of his bad karma, He had committed years ago. Now that you have left, it's like he was dyeing a hundred deaths each moment. His eyes go numb when reminded of you, o My Love. It hurts like prick. What has happened to me; I don't understand. Has something broken inside me? Probably. I can't live anymore without you? Why? I loved you, perhaps? Is there a question after all? I regret that I couldn't confess it to you. My heart has shouted your name whole night, I have asked for you in my each prayer. You were intoxicated, but I had to pay for it. Without you, I am impossible. How much does love hurt? I think this couldn't be more, but this only gets worse.