Growing Pains

Chapter 56 - My life had become a page-turner

D A I S Y

It was bad enough that I liked a scrawny loser like Luke. Having him not like me back was possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I was sure this was my villain origin story, the reason I came to be the most insufferable person to have ever existed.

We had kissed days ago, and he hadn't texted, or called, or showed up to my house like the characters in the books and the movies that had given me the ridiculous expectation that he would. I wanted to slap him across the face and never talk to him again for the rest of my life. I wanted to kill myself and frame him for my murder.

Then he showed up to my solo with flowers, and I was suddenly the most spineless and giddy villain in the history of all villains. I was blushing, and sweating, and my stomach was doing things it shouldn't, definitely not before my first big solo, and I was sure like I hadn't been before that all those books and movies had done was romanticize what was very much a physical illness. I felt physically ill.

Still, I got a standing ovation, and we came in third, which meant we got to go on to the Regionals, and that maybe I wasn't so spineless after all. So what if I had been a little bit dramatic about Luke's days-long silence? I was a complex three-dimensional girl. I was allowed to want to kill myself over a boy at least once in my life, especially if it involved taking him down with me.

Zoey agreed when I told her all this in the toilets of the Indian restaurant we all went to after the show. In fact, she added that only someone with a myopic view of the world would ever expect me not to react the way I had. I wanted to kiss her for it, and more.

Mom had told me she had started crying the moment I came up on stage, and gone on crying all through my solo. She had also asked me to sign her cast when I joined them after, as if I really was a superstar, and not just her best friend since childhood.

None of it made me feel sick to my stomach, like I did when Luke smiled at me and handed me the bouquet of flowers he had bought me, so I really didn't understand the world's insistence on heterosexual relationships over same-sex friendships. One made me feel like I was on top of the world, and the other like I needed to be put down. I knew which one I liked better.

Zoey forced me out of the toilets nonetheless and back to my seat next to Luke and across from my mom. Dad and Jason arrived just as we did, both wearing their football jerseys, and looking like kids coming back from the world's biggest rollercoaster ride. I didn't ask who won the game, because I didn't care, and neither did Zoey, or mom, or even Luke, which was another reason I liked him so much.

"What happened to your hand?!" dad and Jason asked Zoey at the same time when they saw her cast. She was sitting next to me, looking through the menu, but she looked up when she heard her name, and shook her head the same way she had done when my mom asked her this morning.

She told them the same lie, "I fell down the stairs."

Jason took the seat in front of her. Dad took the one next to mom. They both frowned and started the question bombardment mom had also felt the need for just this morning. Did she have to go to the emergency room after it happened? Because when Jason broke his leg, he had to go in, and even with insurance, they had to pay a ridiculous amount, especially because he needed surgery. Did she need surgery? The answers were yes, she went to the ER, and no, she didn't need surgery. They went on.

"Do you have insurance?" This was dad. He turned to mom. "We should call Sofia."

"It's fine," Zoey stopped them. "I had a few savings from all the babysitting I've been doing, so –"

"But that's for college," dad said. "We'll call your mom. Don't worry about it."

Zoey insisted they didn't have to, reaching for her bag to take out my dad's late birthday gift. Zoey always gave my parents gifts, even though they kept telling her not to. This year, she got my dad a book. Last year, it had been a mug he had gone on to use every day since. I had gotten my dad socks, like the absolute best daughter in the world. 

We ordered food for the table, naan bread for Jason to stuff himself with, chicken tikka masala, and a variety of other curries for my parents to try. Luke spent the whole dinner making the both of them laugh through self-deprecating humor, and when he got up to go to the toilet, mom said her verdict.

"He's such a gem."

Everyone agreed. I did too, but I didn't say it. In all my silly little giddiness, I would have probably given myself away, and even Jason, with his inability to take in most social cues, would get it, and I wouldn't ever hear the end of it. I had made fun of him for the entirety of his relationship with Allora, which was probably the reason he had never introduced us to each other. I was pretty sure she didn't even know Jason had a sister in the first place, which I admit was as much my fault as it was his. This being said, I obviously didn't trust Jason to be more mature than me.

I shouldn't even trust myself at this point. This was the part of the book where I usually lost interest, the long-awaited moment when the characters finally went from enemies to lovers. I had abandoned more than enough books halfway through because of the sentimentality that came with this inevitable shift from hate to love, the chumminess that was left once all was said and done. It just wasn't my thing.

Except, this time, perhaps because I was involved in the narrative, I didn't feel like abandoning it at all. Instead, my life had become a page-turner. I couldn't put it down. I wanted to know what was coming next, and fast.

A movie date. Luke invited me that same night over text message. Halfway through the movie, he touched my hand in the dark. By the end, he was actually holding it. When it was over, instead of leaving, we snuck into another room to watch yet another movie. We didn't want the night to be over, but no one had the courage to say it.

Standing under a streetlight after, he scratched the back of his head, and said, "I really like you. It's embarrassing."

I smiled, and said, "Me too. It's disgusting."

We could have taken the bus home that night, but we walked instead.