Aftershock [ One Direction]

Chapter 5: "I Wish I Could Do Better By You"

Song on the side - Its All On You by Robert Pattinson

 

 

Chapter 5

A week had passed with hundreds of phone calls, multiple visits, and ceaseless crying from me until I had no tears left to shed.  I stayed in bed and slept, I had more dreams that would wake me up with tears already streaming down my face. I didn’t eat anything.  I wasn’t hungry…How could I be?  Harry took his life because of me being selfish.  I thought I was doing the right thing but of course it ended like this…

I said I wasn’t strong, when all along Harry needed me.  He needed me there to help him be strong too. 

The day of the funeral, they all stopped by and sat on my bed with me, trying to convince me to come.  I didn’t respond or even look their way.  They all kissed my forehead and left. The boys stopped individually through out the week, trying to get me up to talk it out but I just couldn’t bring myself to even get up. 

When Liam visited he just helped me get up, made me food that I wouldn’t eat, and talked through everything.  I think it was mostly for him to try to understand why but if only he would just see that it was my fault. 

Zayn stopped by but not as much as the other lads, he normally would just sit at the end of my bed and sing for me.  I loved his voice, it helped distract me for just a little bit from what was going on.  Everything he sang had so much feeling, I just got lost in every song.  Sometimes he would attempt to talk about it but every time he started talking his voice would break and he would stop talking.

Louis came over the most, we were almost like siblings.  We had always been close, just never the way Harry and I had been.  Louis knew how to always make me smile, he probably knew me about as well as Harry did.  He would try to get me up and go on walks with him, try to get me to talk, tried everything but I didn’t even flinch.  Lou began to get irritated and one day he snapped at me, “Cora!  Please talk to me! I know your sad about Harry.  We all are but do you see any of us laying in bed all the time, not eating, and not talking?  No.  You don’t.  So please get out of this.”  He said waving his hand toward me to exaggerate the fact I had been in this bed for a week. 

He stared at me expectantly.  When I didn’t say anything he sighed, “You should know that you doing this to us, shutting us out, is basically the same as leaving.  And you promised you wouldn’t leave.”  I heard the door shut and let yet another tear slide down my face.

Niall on the other hand, he didn’t even talk to me.  He came over and would lay in my bed with me.  Holding me close, I would wrap my arms around him.  He’d let me cry into his chest for hours, I was pretty sure he cried too, but I never really paid attention.  Him being with me like this was the better than what any of the other boys did, not pressuring me into talking.  I love Niall, I love all the other lads, but Niall’s presence was helping me the most.

I know that the boys feel just as depressed as I do but they aren’t the reason Harry did it.  I am.  They don’t hold that responsibility like I did.  Feeling this awful about myself just made me want to end it.  I thought about it countless amount of times over the week but every time I came to getting up and doing something about it, I chickened out.  Plus one of the boys were always there.  I couldn’t get away with it if they were always there.