Can't hide it anymore (Vavan)

Chapter 3; Comming home

Avan's POV

I grabbed some logs and walked back inside. I found my mom spitting through the pictures again. The pictures with good memories, peaceful memories, and the ones with bad memories. Her expression was cold as ice but in some way she looked desperate and anxious too. A picture of me and my dad came along, smiling, being happy. Her face became even more dreary.

I put the logs down in front of the fireplace. Giving them a chance to dry before the fire would touch them. I looked at my mom again, she was still busy with the pictures. I understood that burning them would bring an huge relief with it but I was afraid that she would get going because of the kick and do something to herself. She probably wouldn't but I could not be sure about it.

I cross-legged down on the carpet. In such a way that could see the door and watch her at the same time. I looked at the pictures that came along. The good and the bad once and surprisingly I didn't care anymore. I didn't care who was on the picture, when the picture was taken or what kind of memory it brought with it. I just didn't care because it didn't affect my decision anymore.

My mom peeked at me but quickly returned to the pictures when she saw I was looking at her. She looked afraid of my opinion, of what I was thinking. I decided to clear her mind up a little.

''Let's do this mom. Let's clean our damage.'' I said. And finally I felt happy in some kind of way. It wasn't half of the happiness deserved but it was a step closer to what I was searching for. So I smiled, I smiled for the first time in years a honest smile. And it felt so good, to be myself for a moment.

I stood up and picked the pictures up. Still in a good mood, I walked over to the kitchen. I searched for a lighter. I found it in the kitchen cabinet above the sink. I rushed over to the fireplace, pictures in my left hand, lighter in my right.

I chose three logs and made a nest of them. I put the pictures in the hole under it. Ready to burn. I hesitated, was this really what she wanted? To throw away twenty years of her life? And what was she gonna do after this?

''Mom, are you sure?'' I asked her, my eyes still focused on the almost fire. Was she really okay with it? I heard her stand up and walk over to me. After a few seconds she stooped and I felt a hand resting on my higher back.

''Avan, listen. Like you said, let's do this.'' She said, fully convinced of herself.

''But mom. What if we're rushing things over? What are we gonna do after this?'' I took it all of my chest and looked up.

In her eyes I saw nothing but excitement. Slowly a grin appeared on her face.

''We are not rushing things over, I prepared for this for two years long Avan. I know what I'm doing. Please. Just trust your mother on this one.'' She said while she put her hand over mine, the one that held the lighter.

As reply I brought the lighter closer to the photo's. No doubt this time, we both were sure so there was no need to be insecure. No need to hurry.

A little flame appeared when I lighted the lighter. I brought our hands closer to the photo's. The little flame touched a upper photo for a moment and it immediately attached to it. The photo's slowly burned down and kindled the wooden blocks.

We just sat there, waiting for the photo's to be destroyed. I became darker and darker outside and soon the fireplace was our only light source. It felt nice, sitting next to my mom, the feeling the heat of the fire on my skin. I felt warm inside and outside.

When the first log had fully turned into ashes stood I up and walked to the place where I put the logs. I put it in the fireplace, trying carefully not to hurt myself.