Can't hide it anymore (Vavan)

Chapter 1; The beginning

Avan's mothers POV

''Again.'' My son said after I told him that his dad would eat at work tonight. I just ignored it. He was right, though. It wasn't the first time my husband ate at work. Avan hadn't any trust in his father anymore. I did. Mabye it was just a busy period at his work. Mabye he had just planned something wrong.And sure,there was ahuge chance that he had an affair with one of his colleagues everytime he called my and told me that he still had some stuff to do. But I trusted him, not as much as I did before of course but, I had still some trust in him.

Avan started dinner but, I knew he only did because, he thought that that was what I expected him to do. Otherwise he had started a conversation about it. Avan wasn't dumb. Of course he had figured that his dad was unfaithful. Avan. My son. I didn't wanted to involvehim in this but, he was the only thing that I had left. Avan was the only person, that when I looked at them, I didn't feel pain. I was proud. I was so proud of Avan. And I couldn't lose him because of this all.

Not because his dad lost him. Not because his dad was such a asshole that he had dicided I wasn't good enough for him. Because I can say that I was to good for him, trusting him till the bitter end. I had already finished dinner but, I needed some time allone to dicide how I couldn't lose Avan.I couldn't ask him to just go to his room, that would be strange. I never did that.

''Mom,'' I heard something far away. But I didn't want anyone to interrupt this moment so I just ignored it. I wasn't in the mood of talking. I was to far away to realize that it was Avan.

I first had to find out how I could be alone for a moment. To make a plan. A plan how I could stop this all. How I could stop Avan slipping through my fingers.

The voice said something again but, the only thing I could pick out of it, was the word 'frustrated'. Frustrated... frustrated... frustrated... I kept repeating the word in my head. Thinking about where this began. Why was my married man cheating on me and leaving his child behind? What was the cause of this all?

I didn't know. The only one who could explain precisely why, was never homeif there was anylight. But I knew thatsoon enough would he explain everything. It didn't bother me if I had to stay up all night waiting till all the lights are off and he came home. I would be as ready as I could be to fight, for my son, for myself, and for everyone whom myhusband had hurt. And the fighting would be worth it.

All of sudden I snaped out of it, and the door slammed closed. Avan had gone upstairs. I knew this wasthe best opportunity I was going to get. I had to make my plan really quick, I hadn't much time. I panicked, the 'what if's' filled my head. I stood up andwalked to the cupboard. I stared at it, it had always beenmy favorite piece of furniture. I felt myself calm down. I remembered so many good times when I looked at it. And there the picture of red headed me and the newborn Avan. Avan still with his eyes closed. We looked so peaceful, our lives just as easy as it was right then.

I picked the photoframes up and took the photo out.

At the rear stood óne sentence: 'Love the people that make you happy, if you make them happy too, they will love you.'

I wrote it when we went home. Avan and I in the backseat, my husband was driving. I was to exhausted to drive. I was looking at the pictures from at year ago untill now. I came by the latest photo taken. It was the one right after Avan's birth. I was three days ago, it had seemed weeks.

A hole new life was started, a life with responsibilities. I wanted to be a good mother. I wanted to give my little boy an advice that he could keep forever, even if he was older. I was thinking about it while I saw my husband looking through the rearview mirror.

'Something about love.' I thought. And I wrote it down.

I took all the photoframes in the room, took all pictures out and made a pile of them. I accidentally thrusted against a photoframe, it felt. I gathered it up, the glass was broken. I stood up walked towards the kitchen and tossed it in the trash.

I turned back to the pile in the living room. I picked the upper photo up and looked at it.

It was made at the wedding, the moment of the kiss. I looked happy. Right then I believed in his vows, but now I even doubt if he meant it. Of course the first years of our marriage we were happy andsuccessfulbut, after that daze, all the excitement was gone. Our relationship became akward. So akward that we didn't really felt comfortable around each other. Our Love was gone.

Close to tears, I continued with looking though the pile.

Next picture, bye picture. I didn't even look at it, as soon as I saw him standing on it.

Next picture, bye picture. One tear was rolling down my cheek.

Next picture, this was a good one, it was one of Avan and his brother, Ketan. It was taken at a beach at brazil. We went there last year, without their dad of course. It was one of the hapiest times I ever had after the 'daze'. A little smile appeared on my face.

I heard someone walk in, probably Avan. I just approved the next image and continued with what I was doing. 

The picures had to be ruined, there had to be nothing left. Only memories left that couldn't be erased from my mind. He was going to be gone, he would only exist in my mind after this night. That one night could make such a diffence. I've no idea what time he would be arrived home, but I would be up. Even though I knew that this man did everything to prevent a converstation between us. I was going to stay awake all night if that was necessary.

I called for Avan, he had to be aware of this. I owed him that. He had to understand that this couldn't last for any longer. I had to knew that Avan was done with him too.

''Yes mom. What you doing?'' He replied. I'm ruining pictures of your dad, Avan. I thought, but instead I said:''Just make a fire in the fireplace, please.'' One hint had to be enough for him to understand what I was doing. I was ashamed. What if he disdained what I was doing.

I looked up at him, and saw that he stared at me in disbelieve. Just disbelieve, no contempt. He just couldn't believe that I was finally being smart. I only had to convince him that I really was.

''It's over, Av. I'm sorry you had to wait so long.'' And then he did the most unexpected thing I expected. He sat down next to me and embraced me. Then he came really close and wispered in my ear.''It's okay mom''. My eyes watered. His support meant a lot to me. 

I sniffed. ''I'm gonna kick him out, tell him to never come back. If that's okay with you?'' I made him that promise before I even thought about it. It's over now. He was going to stand up for his dad or he was going to be at my side. Poor boy, he didn't have a choice he had to make his choice. Does he agree that his dad wasn't getting an other chance. That it had already taken so long, that it was now or never.

He was still thinking 'bout what I had said. I had no idea where his opinion was going. What were the thoughts that were left about his dad? Was he already done with him or was I to rash? Was I being reckless? No, I thought I was making a smart decision.

He didn't say anything anymore, he just stood up and walked towards the fireplace. He wiped the ash from the last time we used it away. And walked outside to get some logs to burn. I continued with the sorting of the pictures. But this time I wasn't there with my mind.

Avan came back with a couple off woodenblocks and a blank expression. He put the blocks down and sat down on the carpet facing me, I was still sitting on the couch, he finally said something... ''Let's do this mom. Let's clean our damage.'' And his expression lightened a little.