My Fortunate Event (Klaus Baudelaire x Reader)

Austere Academy Part 2 (Featuring Pentatonix)

♪ Look away, look away ♪
♪ Look away, look away ♪
♪ This show will wreck your evening your whole life and your day ♪
♪ Every single episode is nothing but dismay ♪
♪ So look away Look away, look away ♪

♪ At school Y/N the Baudelaires are forced to live in an old shack ♪
♪ Comfort, joy and safety are among the things they lack ♪
♪ They run a lot of laps which keeps them in fantastic shape ♪
♪ But you're the one who ought to take This chance for an escape ♪

♪ Just look away, look away ♪
♪ There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way ♪
♪ Ask any stable person "Should I watch?" and they will say ♪
♪ Look away, look away, look away ♪
♪ Look away, look away ♪
♪ Look away, look away ♪
♪ Look away, look away ♪

Y/N's POV

Count Olaf mounted the horse mascot and rode it while Carmelita and the school chanted. 
"Who can't be beat?"
"A dead horse!"
"Who can't be beat?"
"A dead horse!" 
Then everyone took a seat and said:
"Our particular school is better than others!"

Lemony Snicket's POV

"School spirit" is a curious term. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case.
What "school spirit" actually refers to is the belief one particular school
is better than another. Though, as Y/N and the Baudelaires were about to learn, there are worse things that can haunt a school.

Y/N's POV

Olaf dismounted the mascot, using two stools on either side of the horse.
"I love the energy. I love it!" Count Olaf exclaimed. Everyone except the Baudelaires, Quagmires, and I stood up and cheered. 
"Okay, everyone, settle down,' said Vice Principal Nero. Everyone silenced and took their seats.
"Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?" asked Count Olaf.
"Nero," Vice Principal Nero corrected. 
"Settle down. How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. Settle, a word which here means settling for less, and down, my personal least favorite direction. Let me tell you a story,"
"Oh boy, here we go," I muttered. I made sure to to push the cotton balls a little further into my ears. 
"Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. Coach Genghis, she said to me, "I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds. I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?"
I could still hear him clearly, even with the cotton balls in my ears. As much as I would've liked his words to go into one ear and out the other, his words stayed. I remember what Carmelita said to me about my weight. I looked down, glumly. 
"Um, they're schoolchildren," said Nero as everyone in the crowd exchanged looks. 
"Exactly. And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to...settle down?" asked Count Olaf. 
"Probably not!" said Carmelita along with Count Olaf's  theater troupe. 
"Probably not!" everyone except the Baudelaires, the Quagmires, and I. 
"Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happened?" he asked. He then looked directly at me. "She died in a mysterious fire," he said, smirking at me. I think...he was...talking about...my mother. 
"Wait, what?" asked Vice Principal Nero.
"Settling down is what losers do," said Count Olaf as he started to walk backwards towards the stage. 
"But the woman you were talking about..." Vice Principal Nero trailed before being interrupted by Count Olaf. 
"Settling down is what started World War I," said Count Olaf.
"Okay, but the story you were telling..." Vice Principal Nero trailed.
"Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again, and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?" asked Count Olaf as he got back on the stage. 
"No!" the crowd except us, chanted. 
"Let's bring in the violin!" said Count Olaf.