Tomorrow Will Come

Seven

That night, after the family dinner with Saffy, Mary slipped out of the walls, and rode out to the porta-cabin, seeing a man and a child sat keeping watch.
"Hey. It's Mary," Mary said gently, her hands raised, yet the man still looked at her warily, "are you Holly? I've heard good things about you, sweetie. Got some new toys ready for you at Alexandria."
"Really?" The little girl grinned widely, and Mary chucked and nodded.
"I'm Fred. Look after this little one. Was friends with her daddy." The man said reluctantly, taking the blanket that was resting over his and Hollys shoulders, and wrapping it around her, the fleece covering her sunburnt skin and flowered dress.
"Is Nira inside?" Mary asked, and Fred nodded, and disappeared into the porta-cabin, returning with Nira, Toby, Jennie, and another woman.
"Hi."
"I spoke to my group," Mary explained quickly, "and... They're not happy. Not... They're just worried to trust you. But they've agreed to let you in. Tomorrow. I wanted to let you know in advance. Surprises aren't always nice, didn't wanna spring if on you."
"Thank you." Nira nodded, and Mary nodded back.
"I can't stay. It's late, I need to get back. But I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine." Nira nodded slowly, and she gave Mary a smile, before returning inside.
"Hi Jennie," Mary smiled shyly, "okay?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
"I'm good." Mary beamed, and Jennie smiled back at her, sitting down on the grass, and motioning for Mary to join her.
"You know, we really appreciate all you've done for us," Jennie said gently, and Mary nodded, "it was... I mean, mom won't ever admit it, but it was getting bad. I think we were just lucky. A whole hell of luck."
"I'm sorry about your... About Sophie and Sam."
"Thanks." Jennie nodded, "I'm sorry about you... Your people too."
"Carl. And my dad."
"Who was Carl?"
"My big brother. It was a while back. Almost eight years."
"Never gets easier." Jennie commented, putting a hand over Mary's, and butterflies swarmed the girls stomach.
Mary didn't leave until half an hour later, and she rode back in silence, the common anxiety in her stomach of how dark and dangerous it was. When she got closer to Alexandria, she lead Julius, the trees lower, but as soon as she heard on of the branches rustle, she suddenly had someone in a headlock, a gun to someone's head.
"It's me!" A panicked boy hissed, and Mary realised it was Toby, but she didn't let go, panic coursing through her veins, the gun still at his head, "Mary, it's Toby!"
"Why the hell you following me?"
"I just wanted to make sure you got back safe. Move the gun!" Toby snapped, pushing her away. Mary's blood fired up then, and Toby saw the crazy look in her eyes. "What the hell is wrong? What happened to you that was so bad, you ended up like this?!" Toby asked sharply, half shouting, Mary's gun still pointing at him, but she wasn't doing so out of anger, just fear. She was so scared in that moment.
"What the fuck are you suggesting?" Mary hissed, her eyes panicked and wild.
"You're messed up! You think it's normal to point guns around and you're just... Just not normal. What happened? You know you can trust me, so why are you still scared and pointing a gun? Why can't you calm down? Relax? What happened to you?"
"When I was four, my mother died giving birth to my baby sister. When I was five, my best friend was killed in front of me, and a few weeks later, my older brother got bitten and died. When I was seven, my dad died. The first person I killed was trying to rape me. I was five. The second was trying to kidnap me. I was five then too. It was kill or be killed. I've lost track of how many people I've killed now. And everyone I love dies. So excuse me if I'm a bit jumpy. Sometimes I forget that I'm safe now. I forgot I can trust you for a second."
"You do realise you're just a little kid that shitty things have happened to, right?"
"I never thought I'd be one of them. One of them people that has no one. I always thought... I always thought I'd have my daddy, at least. Honestly, I never even thought Judith would make it. I was so little when our mom died that it was horrible, but I didn't understand."
"Are you going to cry?"
"I don't cry. I haven't since a year after my dad died. I'm not about to start to now."
"Mary." Toby sighed slowly, dropping all annoyance he previously had.
"I'm so scared." Mary whimpered suddenly, and Toby sat down beside her, gently taking the gun, then holding her gently.
"The world won't fall apart if you let yourself cry." Toby whispered, and Mary nodded slowly, letting him hug her. But she didn't cry. Not then. But when she got home an hour later, she pulled on one of Rick's old shirts, and crawled into bed beside Michonne, pretending she wasn't a fourteen year old, they weren't in a disagreement over Toby's group, and it wasn't one am.
"Are you okay? I thought you went to bed with a migraine?" Michonne asked groggily; that was the excuse Mary had given her when she snook our earlier.
"No."
"Do you want me to get you some more painkillers? A heat pack?" Michonne whispered, turning over and stroking the top of Mary's head, then tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"No. It's gone," Mary breathed, starting to sob, "they're gone. They're all gone. They're all gone. Daddy's gone. Carl's gone. Glenn's gone. It's all gone."

Michonne wanted to keep Mary off school the next day; she was worried about her. Nine years ago, Mary slept in her bed every night. But Mary hadn't slept in Michonne's bed since the fourth anniversary of Rick's death. It had been years, and Michonne was worried it was a sign that Mary's mental health had taken a dip. She was so scared Mary was going to spiral again, like she did when Rick died, and she was scared Mary would go back to not talking, not eating, not living.
"Why don't you spend today with me," Michonne asked Mary softly after they'd given RJ and Judith breakfast; Michonne's fear had increased when Mary hadn't spoken that morning so far, "I'll write a note, say you're sick. And before you worry about walking the kids into their class, I'm sure Aaron will love to take them."
Mary looked at Michonne anxiously, then nodded. Michonne soothed Mary's hair over, then kissed her forehead. "Love you. I'll go tell your Uncle Aaron."

"I snook out last night," Mary said softly to Michonne as she helped her get the house next door to them ready for Toby's group, "don't get mad. You always say you won't be mad as long as we're honest, so I'm being honest. I just went out. I was safe and I was fine. And while I was talkin' to Toby it... It made me realise... I always thought I'd have daddy. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I'd lose him. And I have. I don't know, it's been six years, but it just... Hit me. They're all gone. Almost everyone I ever had and loved is gone. And I'm scared to love anyone else now, because I'm scared they'll die or leave too. Everyone I love died or leaves."
"You've not cried for so long. I was worried."
"I think I forgot how much people need to cry." Mary admitted, and Michonne smiled softly.
"I'm worried about you."
"I'm worried about me too," Mary admitted, "and I've been really upset about our fight. I'm just so sad. I'm just so sad."
"But you was right. You was right to push to let them in. It's good to learn to trust people again. I'm not mad, Mary."
"Promise? Promise you don't hate me because I've let them in?"
"Wait here one sec." Michonne said gently, and she ran back into their house, and came back less than a minute later, holding a piece of paper. "Read this. I've been waiting for the right time. And... Everything in that letter is true. It's all we wanted."
Mary looked at Michonne in confusion, and unraveled the letter, sitting on the floor.
Dearest Mary,
Today I watched you play tag on the streets with your Uncle Siddiq and some other children. It was everything I ever wanted for you. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe and happy and you are. You're going to grow up, Mary.
I wish I could say what the future holds for us, my Sunshine Girl, but I can't. So I'm writing this letter to my grown up daughter, incase I'm not here to deliver it. Mary Grimes, I hope that you grow up to be strong. You'll be powerful and brave. You'll be fearless. I hope you get to be a doctor like you want. I hope you find a love that you never want to lose, not ever. I hope you have people you love so much that it hurts, because that's love. Loving someone so much that it hurts, that's how I feel everyday. I'd do anything to protect you, your sister, your mom. I hope you're happy. I hope you're safe. And I hope you're compassionate. I hope you help people. I hope you're brave and loving enough to show them compassion. I hope for so much for you, Mary. So much. And you're going to do amazing things, you and your sister. I just hope you stay my compassionate, loving, brave girl. Be then person who saves the dumbass and his daughter stuck in a tank, in a city full of Walkers. I know you will be.
All my love, Daddy Rick