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failed - s.t

I shake my head as I watch him kneel in front of me, holding a small black box, grinning from ear to ear.

We both started crying.

"Will you marry me?" Shayne asks.

I closed my eyes and sat on the nearest chair next to me, clasping my mouth with both my hands, trying to keep all the sobs to myself.

"Y/N?" He asks as he stands up from his position.

"Shayne, I can't. I am so sorry, but I can't," I replied. He sat on the chair in front of me, wiping tears from his hand using his knuckles.

"B-b-but, why? I-I don't understa-stand," he said.

"I don't think I'm ready, yet," I said,

"That's what you told me 2 years ago, Y/N? How long do I have to wait?"

"I don't know, Shayne. I don't know," I said as I stand up. Shayne grabbed my wrist and I looked back to face him,

"I'm sorry, Shayne," I said as I shake him off me. I went to the bathroom and shut the door close. I put down the seat cover, and sat on it as I cry in silence.

I should not have asked him to stay. To wait. I know in myself that I don't want to get married. I shouldn't have been in a relationship with Shayne for 4 years. And now I'm here.

I heard a knock on the door, and I opened it. Shayne hugged me, so tight, and I could feel tears on my shoulder. "I love you, so, so much. We don't have to get married if you don't want to," he whispers into my right ear.

I hugged him back, and then moved away. "I love you, too," I said as I kiss him on the lips.

-

"Why?" he said as I prop myself into our king-sized bed.

"What?" I ask him, as I cover myself in the blanket. He repositioned himself and let his back rest on the headboard.

"Do you not love me enough to marry me?" he asks me,

"Here we go again," I said,

"No like, help me understand why,"

I stood up and moved to the other side of the bed to sit near him.

"It's just, not in my plans," I said.

"Not in your plans? God, am I not part of your plans?"

"You are! But a wedding? Marriage? No. I just haven't done much in my life, and I feel like its a waste to-"

"Marry me? I have given you everything I could to make you happy, Sandy! This is that one that I am asking you. I want us to have a family of our own, and the first step to do that is to marry me,"

"Why are making me guilty of my decision?" I replied.

Shayne bit his lower lip and started crying. "I'll leave tomorrow morning,"

"Why are you leaving? Shayne you can't just go away whenever-"

"Because there's no point in this anymore!" he screams and leaves the bed. "Y/N, 4 years. I waited 4 years. You said you weren't ready, and now you're still not ready, and you know what? You're right. I can't blame you for your decision, but I can't also blame myself for wanting to have a family, and getting married, and all that. I guess we're not just meant for each other," he said as he grabs his suitcases from the other room.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked him as I watch him pack his clothes. "Shayne, don't do this. I love you,"

Shayne kept getting his clothes from the cabinet and putting it on his blue suitcase. I ran up to him and hug him on the waist from his back.

"Shayne, no, no, no," I said. "Don't leave me, please, Shayne, don't."

"Give me a reason not to," he said.

"I love you. Is that not enough?" I replied. He did not answer, or move, or anything. He just kept putting his clothes in his suitcase.

I remove my arms from his waist and slowly walk backwards, away from him. I'm starting to see it now. There's no reason to keep this going. Maybe Shayne's right, after all. Maybe we're not meant to be. I closed my eyes as tears stream down my face. Maybe this is the right thing to do.

"You're right. We're not for each other. I hope that you get to find a woman who's not like me. A one who's willing to get married, and have kids." I said.

I wanted to say more, but I can't keep a steady voice. Shayne faced me and I hugged him tight. "I love you so much, and I want to make you happy. Take care of yourself, please," I said.

He grabbed my face and kissed me. One last kiss, before he leaves.

"Where are you going to stay then?" I asked him, still not letting go of our embrace.

"To my old apartment again," he said,

"I'll miss waking up next to you," I said. His embrace became tighter, and so does mine. "I'll miss you so much, Shayne. I love you so, so much, remember that, okay?"

He lets go of me, and I could finally see his face. Eyes are bloodshot red, and his face are wet because of the tears. He cupped my face in his hands and I put my hands on top of his.

"I love you, too. Thank you for everything," he said. I kissed him, and then let him go. He zipped up his suitcase and strolled it away from the room. I follow him to the living room as I watch him grab his car keys from the kitchen counter and open the front door. He stayed there for a few seconds, and I could see him take a deep breath.

"I love you, Y/N, it's just- ugh. I- I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I'm-I'm sorry," he said. He left the room and shut the front door close.

The only thing left in this apartment is me, the painful silence, and the memories that Shayne and I shared in this place.

Letting him go was painful, but it was for the best.