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IT WAS 12:30 AM when Johnny finally pulled into the driveway of his house. Slamming his car door, he approached the door to his house, banging his head against it. He slowly brought the key to the lock, closed the door behind him, and collapsed on the couch in his living room. His eyes had barely begin filling with tears when he heard footsteps behind him.

"John?" Lauren called out confused, after not seeing her brother the entire night. She wondered where he had been, and even more importantly, why he looked so lifeless. 

Lauren couldn't see his face since it was buried in the cushions of the couch, but she immediately heard the sniffles. She knew something was wrong. 

"Johnny, what happened?" She asked him, sitting next to him and patting his back. Johnny always comforted Lauren about everything– he never needed her to do it for him. In fact, she didn't even know what to say. Johnny was never upset. His silence was all she needed to understand that he was completely hurt. 

"Johnny, the game isn't everything. You know this could be good for you, now you see your life doesn't end when your football games do," Lauren sighed. He turned over to face Lauren, completely broken.

"This isn't about the game Lauren," Johnny let out, struggling to say every individual word.

"Then what's it about?" Lauren raised her eyebrow. What else could he possibly be mad about?

"Kenzie. She knows about the list," Johnny said, placing his hands over his face in shame. 

"So does everyone at our school. I don't see the problem..." Lauren exclaimed, patting his back for comfort.

"Lauren, she found out I write the list." Johnny said. Lauren froze, unsure what to say.

"–you... you write the lists?" Lauren said, her voice breaking. Johnny was even closer to collapsing again, just seeing the disappointed look in his sister's eyes. 

"I know. It wasn't supposed to be like this. In 9th grade I made a list of the strong vs. weak plays of the team. Instead of taping the poster for football tryouts on the wall, I accidentally posted the list. Lauren, people liked it even though it was mean. They said it gave our school hype. I couldn't disappoint everyone. I just couldn't stop," Johnny said. "Please, can you at least look at me?"

"So how did Kenzie find out?" Lauren asked him, still unable to make eye contact with him. She didn't know what to say. The list that she always feared her brother would be on was never a threat. He wrote it. 

"I don't know. I think someone texted her it because she was on her phone and then asked about it. Maybe Asher or Hayden told one of her friends at the party. I don't know Laur. I don't know what to do," 

"You got yourself into this situation John," Lauren said softly. She began inching away from her brother, unable to be in the same room as him. 

"So that's it? I fuck up once and you can't talk to me anymore?" Johnny said angrily.

"You've been lying to all of us for years. I'm sorry," Lauren said. She drifted into her room, closing the door behind her as Johnny lay on the couch alone once again.

















EMILY

hi kenz. i'm really sorry about what happened at the game again... i guess i was just acting up because its always just been me and you and seeing you make new friends without me felt weird

but it shouldn't make me feel that way!

and i'm soooo sorry


KENZIE

em ofc!! i get it don't worry<3

and you don't have to worry about johnny anymore he's a dumbass, thanks for warning me 


EMILY

when hayden told me my mouth went 😧


KENZIE

hayden told u?


EMILY

he was drunk & started revealing everything... being drunk and sad do not go well together


KENZIE

haha yeah 


EMILY

anyways i love u a lot a lot a lot and so glad everything is all good 💘


KENZIE

love u em 

















EMILY smiled at her phone. Though she knew Kenzie was upset about Johnny, Kenzie would get over it. Johnny was a stupid boy. It's not like Johnny ever sat with Kenzie and talked her through her problems. It's not like Johnny ever made sure to cheer Kenzie up when she was sad. But still, Emily couldn't stop replaying in her head the moment when Kenzie waved at Johnny at the game. The way Kenzie looked at him. Kenzie never looked at Emily that way. Why didn't she look at Emily that way? Why couldn't Kenzie love Emily the way Emily loved Kenzie?



















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