Lela & Koffee

5 Stars

      Lela had a list full of things she needed to do before starting work every day. Today she chose to start driving as early as possible. She planned on working well into the night since she had been taking days off for other things. First stop was to get gas at the Arco on the corner. She has a specific pump she would use because it was furthest to the corner and close to the alley. She pulled up to the pump facing away from the street. Every pump was occupied and that made Lela uneasy as it normally did because of her social anxiety.

    Lela rolled down her window and turned the car off. Pulling her phone close she went on Instagram to distract herself until people cleared out. There were times she could sit in her car 20 minutes waiting for there to be less people around. Looking down at her hands they were dripping with sweat. Lela wiped her hands on her jeans and put on music to calm her nerves. Going through her designated playlist for driving Rideshare "Lets Ride" she found Bilal "Soul Sista" and quickly pressed play. The melody flowed through the speakers. Lela leaned her head against the head rest and drifted off into her imagination. Eyes wide open she was able to see around her and still be away in another dimension.

     Lela's Social Anxiety was something she had to fight with daily. Crowds, whether large or small, intimidated her and could send in her into a panic. Heart racing, sweaty palms and feet, and this terrible turning in her stomach. There were things she set in place to help bring her down quickly. Music being one and her imagination being the other. However, although her imagination was resourceful to her existence, it could be debilitating because of how long she could get lost in the second world she created. Which is why her Maladaptive Daydreaming is considered a disorder. If you ask Lela, it's her superpower that she can use whether to write or just escape her reality.

I know what you're probably thinking. Girl smoke some weed and get over it. Its not that easy. Plus, I don't like to smoke when I'm driving. I smoked sativa once and drove rideshare. I swear to God I thought I was going to jail the entire time. Kept thinking my passenger knew I was high, which they didn't but I was freaked the fuck out. So now I try other methods to bring me down. Its weird because one on one I can have great conversations but when I see a crowd I shrink. Unless I'm high or drunk. Its this intense fear of being judged or saying the wrong thing or being the center of attention. Amongst other things that are out of my control.

I've dealt with this since I was young. I remember going to family events and saying nothing when I entered the room. People thought I was being rude, but I just couldn't handle being around everyone. I felt like I was shrinking by the minute. You know in black folks' house you must speak to everyone, or you are deemed disrespectful. But some of us are incapable of doing that and that needs to be understood.

I thank God for Koffi, because he is very understanding when it comes to my Anxiety. Although we didn't start that way, he's learned a lot and been patient. Now don't get me wrong some crowds I can handle when he's around me. Other times its necessary to use my vices to get me through.

       Lela looked out the window and most of the cars had left. From twelve to five and that was manageable. She got out of the car and paid for her gas at the pump. Once finished she was onto get the car washed. After a good vacuum and spray on the seats of hydrogen peroxide to pull any odor and clean the doors. Her faithful cherry air freshener that she would place in the vents to make the car smell like cherry. This was an everyday occurrence to prepare to drive the people of Los Angeles.

      Now one last thing to do before she could click the app and begin her day, time to pray. Many different people get into her car, from many different walks of life, beliefs, and spirits coming in close proximity to her. Lela prayed before every shift. It was more important than cleaning her car.