[CriminalMinds] I'm Afraid I Still Don't Know [Dr.SpencerReid]

Eight.

I went to her funeral.

I knew how badly her parents wanted an open casket, but they couldn’t. The lacerations to their daughter’s neck would be seen unless she was in a turtleneck. Anyone who knew her knew that she wouldn’t be caught dead in a turtleneck. Besides, it was spring and a turtleneck wasn’t really the proper attire, for the living or the dead.

“Doctor Willow,” he knocks on my door softly as he opens it, “may I come in?”

Looking up, I shrug my shoulders. “You can call me Brayden, Doctor Reid.” This job is weighing on me. I've seen a lot in my few years, being asked to help in other states when they can’t find their suspect or just need more manpower. Females stripped naked, cut, stabbed, choked. Men shot at point blank range. Complete strangers killing for others because they needed money. And once in a while, we get the truly twisted people killing for pleasure.

This world is a sick place, and I just so happen to see it every day.

He closes the door behind him, slowly and softly. It’s his personality. It’s who he is – slowly and softly. Whatever he does, he seems so professional and put together. But I wonder if he’s trapped in that. If this is something he finds advantageous or a hindrance.

Without another word, he sits down in the chair in front of my desk, looking at me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, because he’s so complex. He knows so much, but he craves more knowledge. It’s hard to determine what he knows and what he’s still trying to figure out.

“Was there something you wanted to discuss?” Knitting my eyebrows together, I push my hair behind my ear. There are so many things that I want to ask him, but none would be professional. I want to know what he knows, and I want to know what he still wonders about. He’s an interesting person, and I find myself thinking about him more than I should.

Nodding his head, he clears his throat, and I can tell that he’s nervous. All men are nervous around me. I try to not be as intimidating as I am, but for whatever reason, I still am. Granted, in this case, I'm above him professionally, and he should be intimidated by me, but it still bothers me. I'm a woman. And while I believe that women are equals, I don’t think that men should be intimidated by me. “We found fingerprints.”

I look at him, my heart racing. This is what we’ve been waiting for. We’ve been waiting for her to fuck up and make a mistake. But this means that there was another victim that no one told me about. I didn’t know about a victim during my investigation. “What does that mean?” Leaning back in my chair, I can feel myself becoming intimidating, but this is something that I should not be finding out about after the fact. I should be pissed off. This is my investigation. It’s my case.

“It means that we have a lead.” He’s beating around the bush, and I can tell that they probably drew straws to determine who was going to tell me the news.

I nod my head, placing my hands on the arms of my chair, pushing myself up. “You know this job affects people in different ways. You want the truth? While I feel for the families of the victims, I've never truly had an emotional attachment. I have one emotional attachment to one case and suddenly my team and your team, who I never invited into this investigation, think I'm incompetent. I'm sorry, but who was it that said we should be looking for a female? Oh, that’s right, that was me.” I've officially lost my cool. I have officially broken down.

He sits there, silent, staring at me with curiosity, not knowing what to say.

Laughing without a single trace of humor, I shake my head. “You would all be playing with your dicks trying to figure out what male could do such a thing in this community. This is my territory. I didn’t ask for you. I didn’t ask for your boss to come in with his dick out thinking that he has the biggest one. In here, I have the biggest dick.” I don’t know what I'm talking about this. I have all the lady parts to make me a lady. My genetics prevent me from having a dick. “What, because I have a vagina I'm incapable of running an investigation?”

“I think that you're taking this the wrong way.” His statement shocks me. The fact that he even said anything to me while I'm ranting is something I didn’t expect. So, I stop talking, looking at him with wide eyes. “I think that we’re trying to make the pain of this case bearable. I don’t think that you wanted to see the last victim. The unsub did a lot of damage.”

I'm speechless.

It’s out of character for him to even say anything, in my mind. I thought that I had him almost figured out, but this, this complicates everything I thought I knew about him. And, I’ll be damned, it intrigues me.