One Direction M-preg Oneshots

Why Didn't he stay? --Lirry, stillbirth--

WARNING: Contains mention of stillborn.

This wasn't suppost to end like this. We were suppost to bringing home our baby boy, not coming home without him. I spend nine months with him inside me, I kept him safe. I felt him move, I felt him kick. We saw him on the saunogram, we heard his heart on the monitor. The doctors even commented at my second trimester check up on how well developed he was. This was never suppost to end like this.

Liam stopped the car in the drive, easing to a soft halt on the breaks for my sore sake. His eyes stayed steady on a point somewhere out in the yard. He was beaten down and heart broken, just as I was, you could see it in his face.

He was pale except for the dark circles around his eyes. His brown eyes themselves were hallow and red, dry from all the crying. I was sure I would have looked the same, but I couldn't look in a mirror.

I knew what he was thinking. We had a long discussion in the hospital about how we would tell our 3 year old daughter what had happened, but at this moment she did not know. Liam exhaled softly, mentally preparing himself for what we had to do next.

After we got the news, we asked my sister Gemma to stay with Clara at our home for the days I was to stay in recovery. Neither of us had seen her since Monday morning when we left for the hospital. We told her that we would have her brother when we returned. We promised. How were we suppost to explain the death of one child, to another?

Liam and I thought long about this. We finally decided it would be best for her not to come see us in the hospital. We prayed the next weeks to come would not stick in her retaining mind. The grief councilor who had stopped by my room the day after the birth offered many ways to go about telling her in a soft manner.

God only knows how long we were in the car for. When Liam's hand took mine, I jumped. I was burried so deep in my own thoughts, I had forgotten where we were.

"Now or never I suppose?" Liam said softly.

"I'm not ready" My voice caught in my throat and I burried my head into his shoulder.

"We never will be Harry..... but we need to see Clara.. She's missed us."

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As we entered our home, everything was silent. It smelt like lovely foods, but it just made me nauseous. I hadn't eaten for awhile, and I couldn't bring myself to.

"Harry" Gemma said in a hushed voice as she came out of the kitchen. Her face was drab and her eyes were watery. She wore a powdered apron and had her hair pulled back. She engulfed me into a soft hug, careful of my stiches from the last minute cesarean I underwent. She held me for quite some time before pulling away and clinging herself onto Liam.

"Clara... shes napping.. uhmm... I cooked some food...." she pointed behind her to the kitchen. Liam and Gemma kept up conversation for awhile but I dozed out.

"I want to go see her" I interupted. Liam and Genna looked at me.

"Are you sure you want to go up the stairs?" Liam asked.

"Yes. I just want to see my girl." After thirty painful steps and lots of breaks with Liam by my side, I finally made it to the top. I walked down the hall to her door, passing Alfies room in the proccess. Liam trailed behind me, his hand on my shoulder.

I opened her door and entered the florecent pink room. There Clara was, laying in her bed. Her floral comforter was wrapped around her tightly and she clung her favorite teddy bear in her hand. I sat on the side of her bed and brushed my fingers through her hair.

She slept peacefully, her soft snoring filling the room. I wanted to lean down and kiss her, but sitting alone was hard enough on my torso.

"Li, help me lay down?" I asked. He layed me down and joined me on the other side of Clara. We slept soundly with our daughter for a few hours.

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"Daddy!!!!" a high pitched squeal filled my ears as I woke.

"Clara!" Liam exclaimed back at her, doing his best at a positive attitude. He picked her up and spun her about, giving her a long hug.

"Clara...." I smiled at her from where I lay in the bed.

"Dad!" She cried, kicking at Liam's knees to get down.

"Careful with you're dad Clara, he has stitches." Liam explained

Clara nodded and crawled onto the bed with me. She hugged my head and I smiled. It had been to long since I had seen her. So far she didn't realize the missing piece.

"I lear-learned abbouts butterlflies in school todays" She informed. We kept conversation with our daughter for a long time, enjoying her presence. Finally the question we wanted to avoid all along came up.

"Daddy...dad....where's da baby?" She looked so happy, so eager to meet her brother. Whom she would never get the chance. Liam and I looked to eachother, unsure of who should speak first. I painfully sat up as Liam pulled her into his lap.

"You see honey... your brother didn't get to come home." Liam started, eyes welting with tears.

Clara looked so confused. "So-so hes still at the doctors?"

"No sweetheart he's not... When Alfie was born, he wasn't actually here. His body was, but his soul was in heaven. Alfie is in heaven now. Do you get what I am saying?" Liam finished.

Clara looked from her daddy to her dad, trying to soak up what she heard. Looking up from her daddies lap, she noticed both men's tears.

"So... Alfie in heaven now? Why didn't he wanna stay?" Her innocent quests shook me to my core. Before Liam could answer I began talking.

"Yeah baby Alfies in heaven now." I said in a shaky voice. "And its not that he didn't want to stay, he was just needed more in heaven than he was here. But, it is very very very important for you to know, baby Alfie loved you very very very much. Just as much as you loved him"

"I miss him" Clara's bottom lip quivered. Liam and I both held her tight as her crying began, soft hiccups in her breath.

"It's okay to be sad Clara, it's alright to cry." Liam rubbed her back and used his shoulders to dry his wet cheeks.

Epilouge:

Liam and Harry placed flowers at the headstone of their late son. It had been three years since his passing. About a year after his death, things returned to normal. Harry and Liam didn't cry every day like they usually had, but a day never went by that they were not thinking about their son

. A cry came from the cracked window of the family Sudan, signaling that they're newborn Henry was in need of something.

The couple embrassed under the tree that shaded the resting place of their first son as a light spring breeze washed over them. They could feel Alfies presence, it was like a silent and peaceful child like song. Harry kissed Liams cheek and they strode back to the car.

----The End---