Ayla Storm: Welcome to S.O.S

Important Update

Hi guys.  Unfortunately, this is not a new chapter...well, not really.  The next NEW new chapter will be out next week, after I work out some kinks in the plot.  Sorry about that.

In the meantime, I've been working on a rewritten version of Chapter One.  See, I'd like to pull in more readers, and looking back on my book, the first part just seems juvenile. That's really not good, because as most of you know, the first chapter is important; if the reader hates it, they'll immediately stop reading, and the first version just didn't sound as good I wanted it to. I guess that's to be expected, considering I wrote it when I was 13.  I'd like to think I've matured as a writer since then, and so I've created a new version of the first chapter.  Everything is basically the same, but to me, it just sounds better.  It'll still fit into the plot of the story perfectly fine, so don't worry about that.  But it goes more into Ayla's character developement, and also Drew's backstory, which is going to be EXTREMELY important in the later parts of this novel.  My plan is to replace the original version with this one, but I wanted to run it by you all before I did that just you could see what I'm planning on doing with the book.

So, without further ado, here's the rewritten version of Chapter One.  Let me know what you think, and hopefully, you all agree with me that it's better than the original.

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Everyone has a secret.  

It’s human nature, I suppose; a way to hide what we fear for others to see the most.  We use our secrets as a façade, to create the illusion of the person we want to be.  It’s our greatest fears, desires, and memories wrapped together to create something we bury so deep, no one can find it.  Sometimes, that secret’s embarrassing, or hard to face.  

Sometimes it’s lethal.

“Hurry up Ayla.”

Drew’s voice rang in my ears in stark contrast to the dark silence of the quiet banking building.  I could hear the impatience in his voice, a trait we both shared.  As much as I adored him, he could truly be an idiot when he wanted to be; ironic, for a boy with an IQ higher than Einstein.  

“If you’d prefer to be robbing the bank, be my guest,” I replied sharply, sliding along the cool wall as fluidly as water.  

A snort resonated in the comm wedged in my ear.  “Oh, and let you handle the technology aspect of the mission?  What do you think I am, a moron?”

“Honestly…”

“That was rhetorical Ayla!”

I forced myself to stifle a laugh at his flustered tone, willing myself to stay quiet and keep my cover.  I had specifically requested Drew for this mission, considering it was so important to my career; it’d been coveted by just about every agent at Base, and I was sure some had to furious that I’d received it.  It just showed I was better than they could ever dream of becoming.

Walking silently down the dark hallway, I held my hand by my belt, fingering the knife in its sheath.  I was jumpy, but I had good reason.  Star Bank one of the largest in the world, with some of the best security measures known to man.  Influential figures entrusted them with their huge wealth, Fortune 500 companies kept gigantic stock in it; the amount of power the organization had was extraordinary.  But even more extraordinary was the amount of money in its databases.  Drew had given me a rough estimate, and I was sure my jaw had dropped.  To put it in simple terms, it was probably enough to buy New York; and when by New York, I mean the state.  

With that amount of money, it was really no surprise why I’d been assigned to break in.  With that kind of money in the Boss’s hands, there was no limit to what the Triple Stars could do.  If I could do it, I’d finally be at the top, the very best at Base.