The Adventures of Roonil Wazlib part 1

The Talk pt II

"I'm so sorry, Harry, I never planned to feel this way, if you hate me I understand, I never wanted you to find out...." babbled Ron nervously, all of his insecurities & fears laid bare.

"Ron, I knew."

"Wait...you...uhhh, you KNEW???" exclaimed Ron.

"'Course I knew, you don't get to be a guy's best mate & miss something like this. Can't tell you how many times I caught you looking away when I looked over at you. If I looked into your eyes you always looked away. Not to mention, anytime I changed into my pajamas I thought you were going to burst into flame, your face got so red. It was pretty funny, really, almost made me want to parade around starkers to see what you'd do!"

"You knew...wow, I can't believe it...does Hermione know?"

"She's had her suspicions, but she always thought it was just a passing phase, that you'd eventually grow out of it or something. We talked about it a few times, when she first started to fancy you."

"It'd made things a lot easier if you'd brought it up to me! But I suppose that'd been a very uncomfortable conversation," said Ron.

"Well it might have been for you, but not so much for me. You don't need to hide it or be secretive, Ron, I don't mind. Actually I'm pretty flattered."

Ron's jaw fell, he was unable to say anything in response.

"I was waiting for you to say something, really. It was clear you weren't totally ok with the way you felt. I thought the ball was best in your court, and you'd tell me when you were ready."

"I don't know if I'd ever be ready. You have no idea how hard it's been, Harry! We're together all the time, and don't get me wrong, I would rather be with you and Hermione than anybody else on Earth. But I couldn't get it out of my mind, every time you'd smile at me, or put your arm around me, I'd get these...feelings, like my stomach just dropped out, and it'd be hard to breathe...what, do you think this is funny?" 

Harry had begun to chuckle. "How could I not have noticed Ron? I never thought any less of you, Ron. And like I said, it's pretty flattering to be fancied! Especially by somebody you care about."

Ron again turned red, then hung his head & sat down on the rock where the locket had lain. "That's really nice to hear, Harry, but fat lot of good that'll do me when you & Ginny get married & go off & have kids, while I'm stuck at home with my parents, unable to get over you & find somebody else."

"What, me & Ginny, MARRIED?!?!?" Harry began to laugh loudly. "Honestly Ron, you're not very good at reading the people around you, are you? Ginny & I have been getting close, but it's not what you think. Ginny doesn't feel that way for me, Ron, she's hung up on Dean, who only has eyes for Seamus. She's been talking to me about it a lot. She doesn't want everybody to know because she doesn't want anybody to feel sorry for her."

"I know the feeling," said Ron. "But even if it isn't Ginny then it'll be some other woman. You're straight, Harry."

"Well, I've been thinking about that, actually...I don't think I'm sexually attracted to men, at least not as much as I am to women. But, well, I could see us together, Ron, and I could see us being happy together. I just can't picture the sex part, I have no idea what that might be like. Of course it didn't really matter, after you & Hermione got together; I'd never try & come between you two. And I don't think it'd be fair to get into a relationship with you when I wasn't sure what exactly I want sexually, and you do. It's pretty confusing, actually."

Harry was surprised to hear these words come out of his mouth. He never thought he'd be having this conversation with Ron, at least not for a few more years. The idea had started out as a small whim, a random thought that passes through on its way to nonexistence. But it had persisted, becoming something Harry had been wondering about more & more. He had seen Molly giving him & Ron a fond look when they were close together, and more than once wondered if she was seeing something beyond the obvious.

"Confusing is the word for it! I don't know how to act around you, Harry, I don't want to make you feel awkward, and most of all I don't want our friendship to change. Though I suppose it already has, there's no getting around that..." Ron trailed off.

"Yeah, I suppose it has," mused Harry. "But friendships do change, look at you & Hermione."

"That was a mistake. I don't think she'll ever forgive me for running out, and I'm going to have to tell her about how I feel for you, I can't just keep that secret from her. If she still wants to be my friend, that is."

"Of course she still wants to be your friend! I'm not gonna lie, she's really disappointed in you & still pretty mad, but I know she'll get over it. She's assuming you're coming back & she's been preparing all the mean things she's going to say to you when you get back."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll deserve it," said Ron.