The Adventures of Roonil Wazlib part 1

The Discovery

While Bill & Fleur canoodled in their bedroom, Ron was fiddling with the deluminator left to him by Dumbledore on his cot in the living room. Charlie & Burns had the second, smaller bedroom down the hall from where Ron laid. Luckily Charlie & Burns were quiet, much quieter than Bill & Fleur! Ron had been listening to the steadily squeaking springs of their old four poster bed, punctuated by occasional laughter. Ron wondered what could possibly be so funny about having sex. Having never had any, Ron wondered a lot of things about sex.

Ron was a virgin. He rarely even masturbated, though he thought about having a partner constantly. He'd never told anybody, but he fantasized about both men and women, often at the same time. There was nobody he felt he could tell. Percy no doubt wouldn't have time to listen. The twins would've, he didn't doubt, teased him about it & told everyone they could. Bill & Charlie were too old, and Ron wasn't a big fan of conversations that started out with "when I was your age...." Ginny was too young, and a girl. The thought of talking about sexuality with either of his parents was appalling.

Just as he didn't often indulge in self pleasure, he also didn't often fantasize about having sex with his imaginary partners. Mostly they kissed, held hands, cuddled. It was immensely satisfying for Ron to imagine these things, though they also made him feel profoundly sad. At heart Ron was a romantic. He had started dating Hermione because, well, because he liked her. She was pretty, she was smart, and she was (usually) very nice to him. But it was more. He felt her sadness, her belief that people didn't understand her. She was much smarter than most everybody they knew but seemed to be missing something that she couldn't really identify. Ron perceived that this unknown something created a rift that separated Hermione from others. More than anything Ron wanted to cross that divide, hold her in his arms, reassure her that it was ok & SHE was okay.

In the end it didn't seem to be enough. The longer he and Hermione were together, the more Ron began to see that he really didn't understand her. She was quite outside of his comprehension, being so much smarter than Ron that he usually couldn't even grasp her train of thought. Instead of feeling he & Hermione were completed by each other, he felt more isolation in her presence than when he was alone. Besides, while he found Hermione very pretty, he didn't really see her as, well, sexy. She dressed like a soccer mom. Jeans that didn't fit her very well. Button down Oxford shirts, usually underneath a jumper or a sleeveless sweater. Hair pulled up into a severe bun, or left to straggle fuzzily to her shoulders. Ron had observed that Hermione refused to magically tend to her hair. She cut it every few months with a tiny cuticle scissors. He found it cute when he first saw her do it; later it became aggravating, seeing her snip tiny bits of her hair, one after another. Snip, snip, snip, in that patient and methodical way that Hermione did everything. He couldn't even watch the process anymore. Why didn't she tend to it with magic? A magical haircut only took a few minutes to complete. Ron had seen his mother do it to every one of her children, and usually her husband (though, from time to time, when he could get his hands on dollar bills, he went to a Muggle salon for a shave & a haircut, mostly so he could talk to the stylist & hear about mundane Muggle stuff). Harry trimmed his hair about once a week (though he'd still had no success taming his thick black mop). Ron could have done Hermione's hair in a trice, Harry could probably have done it even quicker, but Hermione preferred her method, which usually took at least half an hour, and left her looking pretty much the same as before her haircut. Snip. Snip. Snip. It drove Ron batty!

Also, Ron just wasn't attracted to Hermione in a sexual way. He didn't desire her body, and if he tried to fantasize about her, it only made him feel awkward, as if he'd walked in on Professor McGonagall in her underwear. In fact, 'inappropriate' would have been a better word for it. He couldn't imagine dating anybody he didn't want to have sex with for more than a month or so, yet he & Hermione had been considering themselves a couple since the previous spring, which was about nine months ago. The only times he found fantasizing about Hermione to be exciting was when he imagined her and Harry with him at the same time.

If imagining sex with Hermione felt awkward, fantasizing about Harry felt even more inappropriate, almost sinful (though Ron didn't really believe in the Muggle idea of sin & redemption). He was Ron's best mate! Ron was pretty sure Harry wasn't gay, or bi, or even bi-curious. Harry had confessed his attraction to Ginny after pursuing her for months, but had never shown any inclination towards other males. He was not bothered by gay wizards in the least. Their suite mates Dean & Seamus had started dating shortly after Dean's disastrous relationship with Ginny ended. At first Harry found it very amusing, having never suspected they might have feelings for each other, but after a week or so Harry settled into the attitude that it was perfectly normal for the two boys to kiss and hold hands in front of him, and not even worth mentioning. Harry was great like that.

Ron couldn't imagine, though, that Harry would have felt the same way about Ron having feelings for him. If he ever suspected (and in truth there was plenty to suspect) and didn't return the feeling, Ron felt like he'd have died from disappointment and embarrassment. Surely, if he knew of Ron's feelings, Harry would suddenly feel awkward around Ron. It would change their friendship, Ron was sure of that. Even the most open minded straight wizard wouldn't want to be ogled while stripping down to his underwear every night before bed! Friendship only stretched so far, even among best friends.

So Ron purposely averted his eyes whenever Harry changed into his pajamas. He had to, otherwise he couldn't have helped noticing Harry's skinny legs, furry with black hair, his bubble butt, his scrawny but well-developed chest. Harry's body was imperfect, by most people's standards, but to Ron it was beautiful. He was like a baby bird that wanted nurturing & cuddling. It drove Ron to distraction, and it was so much easier to just not look. Ron feared Harry would some day notice that he purposely turned away while he was dressing and figure out the whole scenario. One day Harry would start changing within the privacy of his curtained bed, and an icy chill would develop between him & Ron.

Living in the tent for the last 6 months had actually made the situation a little more bearable. Out of respect for Hermione, Harry always changed in a private spot, which was a relief to Ron. It didn't change his feelings one bit, but at least he didn't have to pretend to not notice. Though it also helped that Harry was usually well-bundled in two jumpers because of the cold (while there was heat in the tent, it was barely adequate), Ron had to admit that Harry was especially fetching wrapped in his cobalt blue wool jumper.

While Ron mused over these thoughts, as if conjured by them, he heard Harry's voice say his name. "Ron." It wasn't as Harry was calling for him, it was more like a snippet of a conversation where his name had popped up in the course. Ron looked around the living room, bemused, and then heard it again. "Ron." This time he was able to place the source of the sound; it was coming from the end table beside his cot, where he had lain the deluminator. Ron picked it up. Instantly a small white light blossomed in front of him. Ron remembered that Dumbledore'd told Charlie about apparating to people one felt close to, and opened up the deluminator. It sucked in the small light instantly. Ron was taken by a certainty that his theory must be right. He closed the deluminator, and apparated, landing on a beach in front of impossibly high white cliffs.