Colors I Cannot See

Stupid

I was a smart child

and learned to read by myself

at the age of four.

I would sit at the counter

and read stories to my baby sister

and later to my baby brother as well.

My mom and grandma always said

that I was too smart for my age

which is why I was always left alone.

My older brother called me stupid

and so did our step-dad

and yet I didn't believe it

until we moved schools

and the new school decided

that because I could not do math

and because my handwriting was bad

and because I could not make friends

that I must have been really stupid

and they gave me my first F.

I would spend the rest of my days

hating everything that I thought had made me smart

until sixth grade

when the new girl told me that she could read faster than I could

and challenged me that she would get more AR points.

I worked hard to beat her,

and we would talk about books constantly

and she told me I was the smartest person she knew

and the teachers told me that I was one of the best readers in the school,

second-best in fact,

and the only person who ever beat me

was that pretty new girl

with the puffy purple jacket

and stormy eyes.

Later,

I would never want to do anything in school

because I was too behind

too stupid

too lost

until she would challenge me to something new.

"Who can write their homework the smallest?"

"Who can finish this assignment the fastest?"

And it wasn't until chemistry

that I finally beat her for once

and realized that I earnestly loved chemical equations.

And it wasn't until chemistry

that I finally stepped away from myself

and realized that I earnestly loved her.