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Colors I Cannot See

Poetry

Childhood is a time of joy and despair. A time of love and hatred. A time of growth and stunted reflections. ______ Nothing Graphic in this book. However, the themes are dark. Content/Trigger Warning: Abuse, childhood abuse, attempted suicide, self...

#abuse #freeverse #gayaf #lgbt #memoir #memories #mylife #poetry #poetrycollection #real

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by ugh_andi

by ugh_andi

Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide

I remember hanging myself

early in the morning,

probably around six am.

It's ironic, now,

to think that I tried to end my life,

five years after it started,

in a bathroom

with shoelaces

two days after my birthday.

I was born at 6:15 in the morning,

and my mom said she struggled so much to keep me alive

and yet ever since the moment I failed to breathe

and they forced air back into my lungs

I have been fighting to get it out.

They caught me at five,

and they shouted at me,

and I remember the way my mother told me I was overreacting

and that I had nothing in life to be upset about

because my life was perfect and easy

and hers wasn't

so why was I trying to hurt myself?

I remember the tangled threads of the shoelaces

and I remember digging them back out of the trash after my mom threw them away.

I put them in my pocket to keep them safe.

Later, I would turn them into a necklace.