Someday

Chapter 7

Hi..
It's been 5 years now I don't know why I keep counting ,it's not like a countdown for something unexpected or beautiful. loss as a reality not a feeling is still haunting me. Why? For many reasons .. maybe that's what my life is about, to lose.. not like losing my Keys, but losing people and , losing other things.
If you're still suffering , know that you're not alone even if I don't feel or can relive what you went through ,  again I'm sorry for the things loss did to you.. and I apologize on the behalf of someone who'd be shamelessly asking for forgiveness.

                                                   Sincerely, J .

A day before dad's anniversary , I always received a letter ,a handwritten one , which was written with a black ink pen.
The handwriting changed over the years , from a messy one into an organized one .

The person who sends these letters always repeats the same thing that she/he's sorry.
I wait for these letters ever year , because whoever is the person who sends me these letters , feel what I go through in a way which I can't describe or tell using words, when I find myself lonely ,these letters are my comfortable arms which I go to, considering mom is always at the hospital and often not here , I can't blame her and won't ever, she loves what she does and I support her , but I can't help it when I feel lonely sometimes .

I never told anyone about these letters , I keep them to myself hoping that someday I'll know the answers to the questions of who and why.
I fold the letter and went upstairs to my room , I take a square blue box with red ribbon on it from the drawer then I placed the letters with the other ones I received .
The letters are put in an a white envelope and there's nothing written on the outside , it's blank . Only a small J initial at the bottom of the envelop.
I sigh and close the box.
Later on , I get into the covers and went to sleep.

It was morning and the birds outside were chirping , the sunlight welcomed my face and I wake up, it's weekend and it's 10 AM now , one of the best things is to wake up alone without an alarm. I ran downstairs and didn't find mom , so I guess it's just me and the house.

As I was about to open the fridge I notice a note written by mom saying we're out of eggs and she needs me to get some stuff from the store, I sigh and went to my room and put on the first thing that I see which turned out to be sweatpants and a baggy white shirt , I wore my crocs and took the keys.

I walked to the nearest convenience store.
I took the cart and held mom's note.
While I was turning to the oils section ,I stopped and check what kind of oil mom wants.

"Hi"

I spin around and found art behind me , he was wearing the employee's uniform.

"Art hey .. you're working here?" I say turning the cart to stand in-front of him.

"Yes I started last week" he says.
I mentally slap myself for wearing such clothes.

"So you work on weekends ?" I ask , and try to fix my hair while he's talking.

"I work on Monday's and Thursday's and I agreed with the Mr. George to let me work on Saturday's "

"Oh okay " I say.

"I wanted to thank you for , not saying how did we meet in front of Tyler " he says.

"It's nothing , it's your personal life , if you want to share something it has to come from you not someone else." I say understandingly.

"Either way I owe you "

"So Let me help you with what you're getting today" he says as he took the cart and leaded the way , I smiled and followed him.

He held the note in one hand and the other on the cart, he stops whenever he finds what we're looking for.

"So how's lee?" I ask trying to open a conversation.

"He's good , oh and he told me to say hi " he says taking the jam from one of the shelves and putting it into the cart.

"Tell him I said hi too" I smile.

"Sure" he says.

It was hard to get words out of him or to speak about anything , his answers gave no room for me to ask another question.

"What are you going to major in when you go to college ? " he asks .

"Literature " I say and put a bag of chips in the cart.

"Interesting , but why in particular ?"

"I love books and being able to imagine worlds that don't exist " I say.

"It gets much more fun when you're imagining " I say.

He stays silent for awhile and then says .
"I can't imagine "

"What do you mean ?"

"I have a condition called anphantasia , which means when I close my eyes I can't see pictures , i  can't relive memories.. I only remember facts not feelings not images , straight up facts." He explains . I give him a puzzled look.

"let's close our eyes " i say and he does as I say.

"Imagine that you're at the beach , the water in front of you and the sand underneath you and the sun is shining bright" I announce.

"What do you see now?"I ask intrigued.

"Nothing .. pitch black " he chuckles .

"But I know what does a beach looks like there's sand and water , I know what it looks like but I just can't picture them in my head "he continues.

"Oh , so since when did you know that you can't imagine?" I ask curiously.

"When I was 7 I think , it was during camp and one of the kids pranked us, saying that he saw a bear , everyone kept running and screaming and I was just sitting there , wondering what's a fucking bear " he chuckles and I join him.

"Why? You never saw a bear before ? " I exclaim.

"Yes at that time I didn't know what was a bear because I didn't see a picture of it , so I couldn't imagine what was a bear "

"Wow " I say in amazement.

"At least you didn't imagine that there's a monster under your bed when you were little." I smile.

"Yes , it can come with some benefits too. " he laughs.

"Okay that'd be all , there's only soap missing you stay here , I'll go get it" art says and hands me the cart, placing it in front of the cashier.
He came back and placed it in the cart.

"Thank you for helping me "

"No problem , see you bella " he says and leaves.

I was happy that we talked and that we shared things together and what made me more happy that he decided to share things with me.

I paid and then went home , I open the door, it was already noon , I put a toast in the toaster Then sprawled the jam on it , after I finished eating I take the grocery and arrange them in their places , and then I noticed mom's notes I take them to throw them away but then I see something written on it's back .

If you need help in anything I'll be glad to..
Ps. I can help with other things too, not just biology or groceries.
-Art