Force Destiny

Kylo's Understanding

I felt her. I know it.

The voices in his head were quiet. For the first time since he could remember, there was silence on the other end. At first, it was a relief. He had control over his own thoughts. He was his own master. But in this a moment of uncertainty, when he was clearly over his head, he had no one to look to for guidance. He felt utterly and completely alone.

Snoke had told him that the bond was his creation. It was the greatest betrayal of his life, worse than what Luke, his family, or his so-called 'brother' had done. He forced the thoughts away before he allowed those memories to consume him again. Perhaps it wasn't the worst betrayal; perhaps that title belonged to the last Jedi, but that would require he acknowledge that she meant anything to him in the first place, which would only cause painful emotions to resurface again.

It didn't matter. The point was if Snoke created the bond, it should have died with him. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that what he thought he saw... and heard... and felt was the result of sleep-deprivation-induced hallucinations. It would explain why he had thought he heard his uncle. But the part inside him he couldn't silence with denial – the Force-sensitive part – knew this was something else.

As he searched his memories of training for answers, a tingling feeling crept into thoughts. His body went rigid in full alert. His head snapped up as his eyes searched the room for the cause. He tried to steady his breathing, but all he could hear was the vigorous staccato of his own heartbeat. The Force rippled. There was no mistaking it this time, he could sense her.

It was not her physical presence in the room, as before, but her presence in the Force...in his mind. He felt her press into his consciousness. Kylo focused intently, creating a barrier inside his mind against her search. If she succeeded in penetrating it, she would have access to everything; his thoughts, his emotions, his memories. He shuddered. The thought of his very soul in the hands of the enemy left him terrified. Such an intimate vulnerability was his worst nightmare. He refused to imagine the consequences if he failed to keep her out. Despair... confusion... curiosity... trepidation... loneliness flowed through him. Though he knew these were the same emotions in his own heart, he also knew these emotions were not his own.

This is impossible... How is she doing this? She can't possibly be doing this on her own. What does she want? What is she looking for?

The more he thought of her, the more he could almost see her in his mind's eye, sitting in the ventral turret on that ship. He could see her. Somehow...this was real. His blood boiled beneath his skin, burning feverishly through his veins as he understood what was happening in front of him. The energy of Luke Skywalker sat next to her, his hand over hers guiding her through the Force...guiding her to him.

Luke was helping her use their connection to her advantage, he was certain of it. Which meant Luke had chosen her over his own nephew, again. Kylo had feared that Luke's energy would haunt him like the many ghosts in his nightmares, but this was somehow worse. His uncle would not 'always be with him' as he had convinced him on Crait; he already had his perfect student. Even in death, Luke still believed he wasn't worth it. Instead, he had poisoned her mind to believe in the myth of a possibility of a new Jedi Order, as he'd tried to do with Kylo. It was unfortunate Luke was dead; he could have solved Kylo's problem for him when he invariably discovered she had darkness in her, too. But that would be too easy.

Kylo understood the truth; he had only ever been a mission to her. That was why they had sent her in search of his uncle. Luke poisoned her mind against him and sent her to him to seduce him from the dark side. Unfortunately for her, Kylo saw through it all when she immediately begged him to save the others. Foolishly, Kylo had pleaded with her to stay, but he knew as he said that last desperate word that she would betray him. She had failed then, but so had he when he had attempted to show her what he did to those who betrayed him. This time he would show no mercy, but, evidently, neither would she.

With Luke's help, she sought to use the bond against him, undoubtedly in an attempt to gain information to help the Resistance. If Luke believed helping her would break Kylo's will, he would prove him wrong. His will would not be undone. He would destroy the Jedi Order and the Resistance. He would destroy it all. If that meant destroying himself in the process, then so be it.

You should have killed me when you had the chance, Skywalker.

The blue apparition opened his eyes and turned his head in Kylo's direction. Kylo tensed to minimize the shudder of fear that passed through him as their eyes met. The older man's face looked grave.

Can you see me, Luke? What do you see when you look upon the monster you created?

In an instant, Luke disappeared, and the nudging sensation in his mind was gone. He blinked, and he could no longer see the turret. The sound and energy in the room returned to normal. He was alone again. Only, he wasn't. Her presence may have disappeared, but now he could feel her presence, their bond, lingering in the back of his mind. He was left with an echo through his thoughts.

Where are you?

He held his breath, waiting for more to happen. His muscles twitched in anticipation, prepared to defend himself against the attack he was convinced would come. The minutes ticked by, but nothing more happened. Her presence in his mind did not fade. It was the bond – he was certain of it. Just as her pushing into his mind during the interrogation had opened this, and whatever she had just done had intensified it. If he pushed through the energy he sensed in his mind, he knew he would find her consciousness. If her light didn't terrify him, he would have.

Kylo was left with a terrifying – and an irritatingly comforting – awareness; this bond could not have been Snoke, or at least not solely Snoke. His body had long since cooled, but the bond only grew stronger. Kylo had assumed the bond was fading after his death. He believed she had severed it on Crait when she had shut him out, but it was clear now the bond was as strong as ever. If her actions strengthened it, it meant the inverse could be true.

They could be capable of controlling it; he could shut her out by his will, or he could force her to shut him out. If she meant to use their connection against him, however, then perhaps he would waste a perfectly presented opportunity if he shut her out. He could use the bond against her, instead. He was strong enough that he didn't require the help of a Force ghost, and the information he could gain would be exponentially more critical to her safety than anything she gained about him. He could think of no better way to end the bond for good than using her to destroy the Resistance.

This torture will never end as long as she is alive.

Kylo had to destroy her, especially now that he felt her energy fill an emptiness in his mind that had always been there, filling it so completely it was as if it was meant for her. No, this bond was not a shared fate created by the Cosmic Force. It was an infestation, a parasite draining him of his determination and strength. He would have everything he'd ever wanted if she would just die. His mind – in its infinite helpfulness – provided him an image of her on a skyway, falling into his arms as she grasped at a fatal lightsaber wound to her abdomen.

There was not a word in Basic for the bloodcurdling revulsion that passed through him at the sight of her unseeing eyes. He howled in a tumultuous fusion of anger, fear, and agony. Kylo had spent years training emotions away, but ever since he had heard the mere mention of her, he had lost his hard-won control. His emotions were spiraling; he was losing control again. Years of battling against them left him resigned to the inevitable result. In his fury, he snapped. Launching himself at his desk, he flipped it as far as his anger would carry it. Then he closed his eyes and surrendered himself to the overwhelming power of the darkness.