Unrequited love

seize

It was like in movies, you know? Walking around with cotton candy and laughing about everything, because everything is just so funny in those moments. It's so simple, yet so beautiful. I don't know, but I believe that those kinds of moments really stay in your mind forever. They're so honest. You don't need to be pretending that you're someone else. There's just no need to be someone else, you know? You're just who you are.  
It was like in movies, when he won a stuffed toy for me and when we both screamed so loudly when we were on the roller coaster. It was so fun and so nice when the sun started to go away and the moon slowly made it's way to the night sky. 
It felt like electricity went through me when I kissed him; it happened every time I did. Yet in those moments it was still so special. 
It was so simple and I loved every second of it. I loved when he almost fell because he was so dizzy when we came off the roller coaster. I loved when he ate ice cream and had chocolate spots around his mouth and I didn't tell him because it was funny.
I know how this is sappy, but when you're in love, somehow, everything is so lovely? So romantic? Or at least I think so.
I'm a hopeless romantic and sometimes I just can't help myself but to believe that everything is connected with love in a way.
Matty loved Mandy's art and he even bought a painting. He said he found it cute how I couldn't hit the plastic cup or whatever that was with a ping pong ball and I was all nervous when he succeeded in the first try.
"hey, wake up." I kneeled down and patted his head. "I bought bagels from the bakery. They're still so warm." I whispered, trying to wake him up by telling him how delicious those bagels were with some jelly jam we brought with us.
He muttered something but surprisingly rubbed his eyes and looked at me. 
"what time is it?" I checked my phone and told him it was only 8 in the morning. 
"but, fresh bagels?" he laughed at me trying to soften the fact it was that early and I already woke him up. He then stood up and hugged me from behind, which still made me so happy. I leant on his chest and we just stood there for a couple of minutes.
He yawned and broke the silence by saying he's extremely hungry and ready to get some fresh bagels from the bakery, imitating me a bit. Which I thought was cute.


/ 5TH DAY /

We were staying at some lonely beach and I was getting more and more nervous. I knew why. I already smoked 2 packs of my cigarettes and it was only 5 in the afternoon. I was sweating and couldn't think straight. Fuck, I couldn't even stand straight because in the moment I stood up, I fell back down. My stomach hurt and everything I drank or ate, went back up and I threw up all the time. It wasn't the first time this happened, it happened once before, when I was 17 and tried to stop with cocaine. Obviously, I failed. 
But when your body tries to get rid of the poison, it hurts. It hurts a lot.  And it's not only that typical virosis, you know? when you puke all the time and you have fever. 
It's worse. It's not being able to stand by yourself. It's not being able to breathe because your body constantly shakes and your heart is beating like crazy, trying to pump the bad blood and trying to get rid of it. 
It's like losing your mind, because you don't even know what's happening or where you are. 
Matty was getting bad too. 
And as stupid as we were, we of course didn't thought of not being able to take care of each other in a state like that. All we could do was to wait for a couple of days and then try to live normally. They say if you get through that stage of your body trying to get the poison out of you, then you're saved. I'm not so sure if that's true though. I've read about how people did this all the time but went back to old habits as soon as possible.
I didn't want that to be us. 
Whenever I was feeling a bit better I tried to take care of Matty. He did the same with me. His band mates called a few times to check on him. I suppose, they knew about his drug use. He always told him he's fine and that he's doing just great. I knew better. He had a fever and couldn't drink a lot. Maybe he was even worse than myself.
George said that the police stopped looking for the robbers of that small grocery store. When I heard the news, I couldn't help myself but to smile.
But even before that news, I was sure they would stop after some days. They always do that in a town like that, especially if a small store is robbed. They don't actually care for anything. 
But I was scared now. 
Very scared.

a/n: please forgive me for not updating in AGES but i swear this time of the school year is the WORST cos of the exams and that shit and fuck ha ha but jesus fucking christ im so pissed because darren wilson is FREE! what the actual fuck, how can a GUILTY person be fucking FREE?!?!?!?! im so mad, you cannot even imagine my rage right now. I am so so so sos os fucking mad omfg. But people are demonstrating and such and it makes me glad to be honest like maybe, somethign will change? let's hope so.