Bella
"It sounds like you had a blast.""I did. I can't even really begin to tell you how much fun it was. The fireworks were beautiful and we talked and laughed. It was so amazing."Sarah smiled and said, "I'm glad he came back.""Why?""Because you're so different. You smile all the time now, you laugh constantly, and you're my friend. When you first started I thought you could be, but then you didn't talk to anybody and even though I didn't know you I worried about you. It's like you walked around with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Now that's not the case.""It's all him.""Hence the 'I'm glad he came back.'"I shook my head with a smile and took the last bite of my pizza. We'd spent most of lunch with me telling her about all the rides and everything in Disney. I'd left a few things out of course, like our talk and the fact we had to go out at night. However there was still one more thing I wanted to talk to her about and I didn't really know how to bring it up, but then I didn't have to because she opened the door for me."So anything else happen while you were gone?""Well…I don't know.""What does that mean? Did you kiss him again?""No," I said feeling my blush come out. "But I wanted to a few times.""Really? When?""Almost everyday." I whispered."Bella. What happened?""I don't know Sarah. Something was different. We talked about a few things we hadn't yet and it was like something shifted. I can't really explain it, but from then on when we were playing games or doing something else I'd look over and it would kind of catch me off guard.""Did he notice?""No thank god, but he would have if he had been really paying attention so I need to figure out how to shut that down.""Would it really be a bad thing?""Yes. He can't ever find out I'm thinking about things like that. It would freak him out and I'm afraid he'd leave.""Well maybe he won't notice and you don't have to worry.""It's not that simple, Jasper's very perceptive on how people are feeling, he always has been and if he even senses that I might feel something it would just cause problems.""Why?""Because Jasper and I are…complicated.""What does that mean?""It means that my ex is his brother and his ex was my best friend. Even if I wanted something to happen I can't compete with Alice. She was beautiful and perfect and they were together a long time."She sighed and gave me a small smile. "The first part of what I'm about to say isn't said to make you sad. Okay?" I nodded and she continued. "Edward left you and he broke you. He chose to walk away and it was the biggest mistake he made. And yes he probably didn't expect that the person to put you back together was his brother, but that's who it was and he's going to have to deal with that if the time ever comes where you meet up with him again. Now as for Alice she's not here and if Jasper wanted her back he would be trying to do that not spending his time with you making sure you live the life you deserve. I, of course, have never seen Alice, but Bella you don't see yourself clearly because you are beautiful, sweet, and caring and Jasper would be stupid if he doesn't see that too."I opened and closed my mouth a few times because really I had nothing to say to what had just come out of her mouth.Sarah laughed a little probably because I looked like a fish trying to breathe out of water. I finally found a little of my voice and stuttered out. "I…I…don't know…what to say to that.""You don't have to say anything, but I do have a question."I raised an eyebrow."Can Jasper compete with Edward?"Once again my voice left me and I didn't say anything as I stood up from the table too busy thinking about things. Sarah watched me as we threw our trash away and headed back toward work. About halfway I finally answered her."No he can't…""Okay so not the answer I thought you were going to give.""Because you didn't let me finish." I said with a smile."Oh sorry, please continue then.""With Edward I was never given choices. It was always do the things he thinks were safe and my opinion didn't matter. I always felt inadequate with him and that I wasn't good enough. Jasper on the other hand treats me like an equal; he only gives me choices and respects my decisions. I don't have to worry that if I do something stupid he'll judge me because he'd probably be right there beside me doing the exact same thing." I said looking over at her hoping she would understand."So in other words Jasper doesn't have to worry about competing with Edward because he's so much better for you then Edward ever was.""Exactly." I said without thinking and almost immediately tried to take it back. "That's…that's not what I meant."Sarah wasn't having any of it though. "Face it Bella. You're falling for that man. The sooner you admit it to yourself the better off you'll be."For the third time in an hour I had nothing to say. Was she right? Could I have fallen for Jasper and not known it? No he would have felt it if I had and he would have already been gone. On the other hand if I can't even admit it to myself then he wouldn't have felt it. As I stood in front of work knowing I should go in I instead let my mind go back to everything Jasper and I have done and said. I thought about what my life would be like if Jasper hadn't come back into it. As all of it ran through my head I realized that I needed him. Yeah maybe I would have kept on the course I was and made friends, but I wouldn't have had the guts to do anything like what we'd done together. He had become such a big part of me and if I'm honest with myself him not being here anymore would hurt so much more than when Edward left. I wouldn't survive Jasper leaving. I told him I would find him if he went away, but there would be nothing left to find him with because I would fucking shatter. My heart would literally fall from my chest and there would be no hope for repair. With that last thought I knew Sarah was wrong. I wasn't falling; I'd already made that trip and Jasper had stolen my heart without my knowledge."BELLA. BELLA." Sarah shouted shaking me and I turned my wide eyes toward her worried face. "What's the matter?""I…I love him. I'm in love with him."A big grin spread across her face at my words. "I knew it. Now you just have to tell him.""NO," I cried. "He can't know. He can never know.""Bella you have to tell him.""I can't Sarah. It would ruin everything.""You said that he can sense stuff like this. Do you think you'll be able to hide it from him?""Fuck no. I…I…" I was interrupted by Nathan pushing the door open."You two okay? You missed your clock in time about five minutes ago. That's not like either one of you.""Yeah Bella just had a little bit of an epiphany and she's kind of freaking out a little bit.""What? Did she finally figure out she's in love with that Jasper guy?" He asked laughing before cutting it off at our shocked faces. "I was kidding, but apparently I wasn't off the mark.""God he's going to know now that I do.""Hey, it will be fine. You just need to talk to him." Sarah said drawing my eyes back to hers."Can you guarantee that because I really don't want to take the chance of scaring him off."She sighed. "No I can't, but you should think about it at least."I dropped my head into my hands, shaking it side to side."She's right Bella."Turning my head slightly I glared at Nathan."What? It's true. Why don't you take the rest of the day off and just think.""Fine. Fine. I guess I can do that, but are you sure?""Yeah. We aren't busy, so just go and figure stuff out."I nodded I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway. I didn't even have to go back inside since I had everything with me. "Thanks Nathan.""Anytime. I hope you get it worked out.""You and me both."Turning to Sarah she pulled me into a hug and said, "If you need someone to walk you through things I'm here.""Okay, if you get an incoherent phone call later don't hang up it will be me trying to work through things so just hold on until I can talk.""I'll keep that in mind." She said laughing.I waved to both of them and headed for my truck. Once I was behind the wheel I realized that there was no way I could go home yet. Starting the engine I drove around Port Angeles for awhile before pulling into the putt-putt golf place. It was the beginning of our fun together and might as well be the place of my what the fuck am I going to do moment.Going inside I grabbed a soda from the snack stand and found a table. As I sat staring at the arcade my eyes glazed over as I let my mind go. Everything Jasper and I had done was dissected to the smallest detail as well as everything we'd ever said to each other, before my 18th birthday party, which wasn't a whole lot, to now.I didn't realize how long I sat there until my phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, cringing when I saw it was Jasper I hit ignore. I couldn't talk to him yet. He would know in an instant that something was wrong. Of course I couldn't just not make contact because he'd come find me. My phone alerted me a new voicemail and I decided to listen to it before I sent him a text. Dialing my number I waited for his honey-layered voice. Fuck honey layered voice really Bella? I'm so screwed."Hey Bella. I was just calling to check on you, since you should have been home about ten minutes ago and you didn't mention going anywhere. Call and let me know you're okay so I don't worry. Bye."God he already sounded like he was worried. What the fuck was I going to do? Send him a text first and then after that who the fuck knew, not me apparently.I'm fine. I'll be home soon. Not much, but the only thing I could think of at the time. Hitting send I dropped my phone on the table and buried my hands in my hair, closing my eyes.I stayed at the mini golf place about thirty minutes more before I knew I had to go home. Jasper was probably going out of his mind and he didn't deserve that.The entire drive home I prayed, begging God for Jasper not to know what was going on inside of me. I'd finally decided I wasn't going to say anything. I'd convinced myself he wouldn't leave, but I didn't want to spend time with him and see that pity that was sure to come out because I'd made the mistake of falling in love with another vampire again, so hopefully somehow I could hide it.Turning into the driveway I didn't even have the truck off before Jasper was pulling the door open."Where have you been? Do you have any idea how worried I was?""I'm sorry, but I'm okay.""That's doesn't help Bella. Fuck what is the matter?""Nothing.""Don't tell me it's nothing. I can see in your eyes it's a lie I can also…" He stopped, taking a step back.Fuck he knows. I felt my eyes get huge and I started to deny it, knowing it wouldn't do me any good, but I was shocked by the next words to come out of his mouth."I can't feel you.""What?""I can't feel your emotions. There's nothing there. What the fuck Bella?" He asked angrily."I don't know what I'm doing so don't get mad at me." Thank you God."What and how are you hiding?""I'm not hiding anything. I don't know why you can't suddenly feel me."He didn't say anything, but instead pulled out his cell phone, scrolling through the number before hitting a button and holding it to his ear. He growled a few seconds later, which I have to say now that I knew my true feelings for him was pretty fucking sexy."Of course she wouldn't fucking answer.""Who?""Alice." He said shoving his phone in his pocket."Why did you call Alice?""Because maybe she could tell me what the fuck is going on.""Jasper it's nothing bad I'm sure. It just happened. Edward could never hear my thoughts.""But I've always been able to feel your emotions.""I'm sorry.""It's fine Bella. I just don't like not being able too.""I can tell.""So where were you?""No where important." I answered starting for the house."Why won't you tell me?" He asked and I realized he wasn't following me.Fuck can't he just let it go, but that would just be too fucking easy."Not right now," I said but thought, not ever going to happen.He didn't say anything so I turned my head to find him staring at me. "I'm going to hunt."I nodded and watched until he disappeared into the trees across the street.Damn it why did I have to fall for him? It was already screwing shit up between us and would only get worse if I didn't forget about my feelings. I needed to make sure that I gave him no reason to start thinking about things. Of course now that by some miracle he couldn't feel my emotions I could at least pretend everything was okay. I'd gotten good at pretending with my dad, so maybe I could pull it off with Jasper.Going into the house I fixed a quick sandwich for dinner before going up to take a shower. At least it was Monday and I had to work everyday this week. It would give me hours out of the house and I wouldn't have to worry about saying or doing something I'd end up regretting.I wasn't able to get to sleep until I heard Jasper come in, something I realized happened often.The rest of the week passed pretty well. I was able to keep a smile on my face all week around Jasper and we seemed to be okay. He still wasn't able to feel anything coming from me, but I was really okay with that. Sarah wasn't too thrilled that I'd chosen to keep my feelings to myself, but she would have to deal because she didn't understand everything.Saturday morning Jasper woke me up early. We were headed out for number 6 on the list. I don't know why we were going so soon after number 5, but I didn't ask, figuring he just wanted to get out of the house."So where are we going?" I asked sitting up in bed."A town called Graham. You'll need to wear jeans, tennis shoes, and a couple layers on top.""What are we doing?""You'll see. We're also taking the bike so grab your jacket before you come down.""Got it." I said smiling.Once he left my room I rummaged in my closet pulling out a long sleeve t-shirt and one of my dad's old flannels.After a quick shower I headed down and ate my breakfast before we got on the road. It rained a little on us on the drive, but other than that it was uneventful.When we pulled into the parking lot I squealed seeing the sign on the building."Paintball Jasper, awesome.""I'm glad you're happy and expressing it, since…""Please don't.""Sorry.""It's fine. Now let's go have fun and shoot shit." I laughed skipping backwards toward the door earning a smile from him.Getting inside there were about ten other people suiting up to head out. Jasper spoke to one of the guys working there and after paying we received a jumpsuit and gun before he told us to pick colors. While we were looking over the display case the front door opened. I didn't turn around until I heard both my name and felt Jasper stiffen beside me.Turning slowly I saw Tyler Crowley standing there with about six other guys, none of which I knew."Um...hey.""Hey," He said before cutting his eyes to Jasper and then back to me. "You look great.""Thanks. It's been a long time.""Yeah. Sorry I couldn't get down for the funeral, midterms.""Yeah you're mom told me. I understand." I said with a small smile. "How's school going?" I asked changing the subject."Good, just over a year left. I'll be glad when it's over. What about you school or anything?""No. Just working in PA now. I messed…well you know.""Yeah…" He said once again looking to Jasper."You remember Jasper right?""Uh huh. Alice's boyfriend.""Her ex." Jasper said and I noticed his fist clenched.Rolling my eyes I looked back to Tyler as the other boys walked over one holding a jumpsuit and gun. "Here Tyler." He said, handing them over and eyeing Jasper and I"Thanks. This is Bella and Jasper guys. I went to high school with them." He said before turning back to me. "They're my frat brothers. Daniel, Simon, Jason, Alex, Brian, and Rex." He pointed to each one and all nodded at us except Daniel."Is she the one that you almost killed?"Did he tell them that story? Obviously dumbass or they wouldn't know about it."Yeah it was an accident though I told you that.""And he's the one that saved her?""No that was his brother.""Oh right." He said smirking and I had a feeling that the accident wasn't the only thing he'd told them. Fucking asshole. I was so going to shoot his ass.Before I could say anything else a worker with the paintball facility called our attention to him. He started going on about the rules which consisted of only two. No shooting someone in the head and no shooting your own team. I didn't really like either one of them since I'd seriously had every intention of shooting Tyler and all his dumb ass friends, but because the one group had 10 and wanted to be together Jasper and I ended up being on their team.When the guy finished talking we loaded our guns and headed outside. He then went over each field and everyone pretty much agreed on the urban one. It was like someone's property, complete with a two story house you could go in, cars, trucks, a satellite dish, and tons of other things you'd find in a yard.Once we made the decision everyone headed out to find a place to start out in, Jasper and I both settling behind one of the trucks. Thankfully he'd calmed down from being close to Tyler, but I knew he was still not happy with having him here, of course neither was I.We heard a whistle blow and the game began. Jasper and I split up soon after leaving from opposites sides of the truck.Ten minutes in I'd been shot five fucking times and that shit stung like a bitch. Seeing Jasper run by I was pissed to see he didn't have any paint on him whatsoever. Stupid, I can hear the balls coming and dodge them, vampire.I finally made it into the top floor of the house only getting hit two more times on the way before being jerked into a room and behind a dresser where I found three of my team members. None of which I cared to see at the moment."Damn Bella you're supposed to shoot people not get shot.""Ha ha Tyler I'll keep that mind next time." Fucker, one shot wouldn't hurt would it?Before he could say anything we heard someone come in the room. They all looked around the side of the dresser and opened fire driving whoever it was out.I ended up shooting the ceiling. God I really did suck as this."So you and Jasper Hale huh?" Tyler asked as he settled back beside me."It's not like that." I said scowling."Really? Where are the rest of them then?""I don't know and it's none of your business anyway.""Whatever, but I saw what their leaving did to you. What it did to Charlie?""Fuck you. You don't have any idea what the hell you're talking about.""Okay Bella, but he'll probably cast you aside just like Edward did and you'll be the exact same way you were before."Dropping my gun I pulled my fist back and caught him in the cheek. "Don't talk about shit you don't understand ever. Who in the hell do you think you are anyway?""Someone who used to be your friend." He said holding the side of his face."You were never my friend." I said seething with anger.We heard someone else come into the room a few seconds later and all of us looked to find a very pissed off person standing in the doorway.JasperThat little fucking bastard. It was bad enough with the lust rolling off him when he first saw her, but now that shit wasn't even funny. I'd heard everything he'd said to Bella and was ready to just fucking kill him. As annoyed as I was with her about the whole past week I wasn't about to let someone talk to her like that. Today was supposed to be about our fun list and would have been if he'd not shown his dumb ass face. Fucker.Bella's eyes widened taking in my face which I'm pretty sure held pitch black eyes."Fuck," She whispered before scrambling out from behind the dresser and rushing over to me. "Jasper let's go.""No, I want to know why he said that shit.""Jasper let it go. Please?" She pleaded pushing against my chest."Sorry man, I didn't mean it." Tyler said holding his hands up. Yeah you need to be scared."Bullshit. You don't fucking say something like that and not mean it." I said taking a step forward to which he backed up."I…I…""You don't know shit about us. So you need to keep your fucking mouth shut.""Jasper please. Let's go home." Bella said again as his other friends came in the room moving around us. Tyler's fear disappeared with reinforcements, not like they would be able to help."He lives with you now? Nice Bella I didn't know you had it in you, but Alice was hot dude much more so than Bella."Yes he really wanted to die today and I was going to make that happen. The only reason he wasn't yet was because Bella was in the way. I took another step forward."Tyler shut the fuck up." Bella hissed glaring over her shoulder."Why? He's never going to look at you the same way you know."Bella drew in a sharp breath and I finally brought my eyes down to her. Resignation and hopeless looked back at me. My anger stopped in its tracks when they leaked through into me and I realized I could feel her emotions again, but they weren't the only ones there. Anger was apparent, but the love was what got me."Bella, you love me?" I whispered."Fuck," She whispered back before darting around me and running out of the room.Tyler was forgotten as I rushed after her. I had to hear her say it, even though I could feel the full force of it now and it was staggering.Making it out of the house I followed her to the main office. Just as I got inside she was moving through the front door. Quickly stripping off my jumpsuit I went outside to find her leaning over the bike, instantly smelling her tears."Bella." I said hating her being upset."I'm so sorry. I never meant to love you like this. I…I…""Bella." I said again."Please don't say anything."I had no intention of saying another word. She'd said all I needed to hear to do what I wanted to next. Grabbing her hip I spun her around and crushed my lips to hers.
