Time Heals
Chapter 2 The Meadow
Bella
As I cracked my eyes open I took in the sunlight streaming through the blinds of the window and I felt a small smile slide onto my face. I was off today and with the weather appearing to be nice I could go to the only place I'd ever been able to find peace since my world fell apart, granted it took me awhile to get to that point.
Sliding out from under the covers I made my way to the bathroom for a shower. Once I was done and dressed I grabbed my backpack that I kept all my essentials for the trip in and after finding my ipod and slipping it into the front pocket I made my way downstairs.
While I ate a poptart I gathered the rest of the things I needed, a few water bottles, an apple, and a couple granola bars.
After checking to make sure I had everything and slipping on my boots I made my way out to my truck and drove the twenty minutes it took to get to the trailhead.
Turning the ignition off I did the same thing I did every time I came here, five deep breaths and telling myself over and over I can do this.
The simple routine started after the first few times of coming here when I could barely function after finding it and only being able to stay a few minutes. Once I started the deep breaths I was able to stay a little longer, but not by much and when I had added the words the time got longer.
Oh I still cried every time for awhile, but I was able to see that I need to do that to help me move on. It's gotten to the point now that I probably don't even need my routine, but I still do it so I don't jinx myself
Once I had everything done I got out throwing my backpack over my shoulder and locked the door before making my way toward the trail I had eventually worn into the ground. The first and second time I'd come here it had taken almost five hours for me to find it and even longer to find my way out again.
On the third go around I'd been smart enough to bring brightly colored tape to mark my way. Since then some of the tape has fallen off, but I didn't need it anymore. I probably could find it without the trail to help me now.
Just before I stepped through the trees I pulled out my ipod and flipped to the playlist entitled THE MEADOW. If someone was to see it they'd probably think it contained relaxing music or the sounds of nature or some shit like that, but nothing could be further from the truth.
As Rage Against the Machine blared thru my earbuds I started my trek. Two hours later I was pushing my way through the last of the ferns and patting myself on the back. I'd beaten my time by twenty minutes today and I felt great about it
Getting to the middle of the meadow I set my bag down, pulling out the small throw blanket and spreading it out.
Sitting down I lay back and looked up at the clouds in the sky and let my mind relax.
In the beginning I only thought of them, but eventually I learned to block everything out of my head and I was able to lay there in peace never touching on the forbidden thoughts that used to plague my every waking moment.
Today though I let them come freely, but unlike yesterday I didn't think about them specifically; instead I thought about where I would be if they had stayed.
Would I be a vampire by now? Probably. If Edward wouldn't have changed me, Carlisle or Alice would have done it.
Would I be married? Maybe. I couldn't really answer that one. It wasn't something I had ever had to think about before.
