Paralyzed Love ✓

fifteen

Let's see. Yesterday, Ava: (1) saw Meara kissing Jesse, (2) revealed everything to Jesse, (3) confessed to Jesse, and (4) pushed Jesse away before she could know what was in his mind.

Ava's eyes squint in pain as she opens her eyes in the morning, the sun glaring at her. She loses sight momentarily, another cruel reminder of the mess she is in. The sun is bright, perhaps too bright for the early morning. She turns her head wearily to the clock next to her. 9:23 am, it says. She does not plan to go to school anyway, so just let it be.

She rubs her puffy eyes before looking out of the window. Mint-green leaves and pink flowers start growing on the cluster of twigs of the trees, a few birds chirping as they stand in the humid air of early spring.

The street looks desolate even with the gifts of mother nature, because they feel false, forced. The flowers seems to droop more today, the green grass a sickly green. All the people Ava knows are in school, in the shelter that is supposed to shield the students.

What is the feeling of tearing open an ancient wound? Agonized, relieved, guilt?

All these years, all the pain, all these obstinacies. She just let them go, because of Jesse.

Ava's whole morning is hideous. She skips breakfast and has a banana for lunch. She sits at the light brown wooden table as her phone buzzes for the first time today. She knows who the message is from, her heartbeat quickens. What is he going to say? But when she peeks at the screen of her phone, the sender's name is different from the one in her mind.

Messages
Mom
Did you skip school today?

Ava lets out a sarcastic laugh. Since when does her mom start to care about her? She remembers hiking and going on a picnic with her parents when she was a child, but the invisible glass between them becomes thicker and thicker over time. She feels like a failure to them, dragging them down from the peak of their lives. Meanwhile, another notification pops out.

Messages
Mom
What happened? Did you have a panic attack again?

Ava turns off her phone and tosses it to the couch behind her. It's 1 pm, and she still hasn't received a single text from Jesse. For God's sake, it actually hurts.

She returns to her room and shuts her door. She doesn't need to face anyone now.

-

"Can you please, just leave Ava alone?" Jesse stares straight into Meara's eyes in the locker hallway. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Meara frowns. She then smiles and coos, "Oh! Nothing happened between you guys after the kiss yesterday, right?"

Jesse clenches his fist. "Why did you do that to Ava?" His voice bursting with abhorrence.

Meara widens her eyes. "What do you mean? I kissed you, how does that do with Ava?"

"Stop it, for fuck's sake. You know exactly what you're doing, Meara. You are just a doll with a malicious heart. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stitch back every single piece that you tore her apart?"

Meara laughs in conceit. "Jesse, she is the one who gets all these, what's that called, mental health illnesses? It's her brain's issues, not me."

Jesse shakes his head in disbelief. He gasps a bit and stutters. "How could you- how could you say that?" He remembers hearing her scream in the toilet and seeing Ava's tears cascading down her cheeks, sobbing sharply.

"Jesse, I have nothing to do with Ava. She deserves it, okay? Tristen said she kissed him to make me jealous. I won't even catch a glimpse of her if it's not that."