Salt

The Puddle of Mud

I was taking the trash out as I waited for Ambrose to pick up his phone. I'd continue until he answered, I deserved just this.

My thoughts were excruciating, jabbing at me, telling me these were signs – but they were unfounded. I mean, there had to be a reason why he told Ciara, right? I couldn't go accusing him straight away.

He had to have a reason, definitely.

But as I tried and tried his number, the less convinced I was.

I gazed at the evening sky. Purple haze and stars that played peek-a-boo with the swollen clouds, it should have been beautiful. I should have felt relaxed and at peace with the calm of the dusk, but all I could think about was how dark my life had become.

My bones tingled underneath my chilly flesh, ringing a tune in my head that was shrill in frequency. They played a song I no longer felt connected to... and it was suffocating me.

My chest tightened so hard it was frightening to try to breathe. I just wanted it to be over.

Was that too much to ask?

I hung back as my co-workers left, laughing at stupid jokes. I only wish I could be in the frame of mind to find anything funny. I remember those days.

Without another chance to think about it, my mobile vibrated.

"Ambrose?" I zipped up my jacket as I began walking. I didn't know which direction I was heading.

"Yeah, is everything okay?"

I wanted to scream at him, because things obviously were not okay. So much that I wished I could reach into the phone and pull his ass up through the speaker. I mean, how could things even be remotely close to alright, when he was related to someone as monstrous as Ciara?

I swear, he was clueless.

"Ciara dropped in at my work today... do you think things are hunky dory?" I didn't mean to sound snippy, but that's just the after effects of dealing with her, I guess.

There was a moment's pause, before, "Fuck."

I rolled my eyes, as I traveled home; my real one. Living with Jesse was nice, and he was still such a sweetheart, but I had to face the music someday. Hey, for all I know, perhaps they'd seen the error of their ways and were looking to reconcile.

A girl can dream, right?

I'd just bypassed the salon, and waved to my hairdresser, when Ambrose broke the silence again.

"I'm sorry she was horrible to you, but she had reason to know, right? Obviously, I wouldn't like her to be a suspect."

A brother's love, even for an ice queen like Ciara, blinded him. To him, although he'd been tipped for years that she was not a nice person, his soft spot for her hadn't weaned. It would be cute if she wasn't so... well, her.

But people are just doing what they must to get by, you shouldn't be judging them, my conscience whispered.

I grunted.

"Huh?"

"What?" I tuned back in, as I avoided colliding into a man's shoulder.

"Do you disagree? Should I really not have told her?"

I opened my mouth to say of course he shouldn't have, but stopped myself at the last second.

Because I realized he was right. Telling her was smart, keeping it from her would make her believe I already saw her as nothing but guilty. Innocent until proven otherwise, isn't that what they say?