My lovely Vampire (GxG)

Chapter 20

Alana's pov

I wake not feeling any warmth. the lack of heat made me feel numb. I didn't feel like myself, I felt as if someone took control of my mind. I felt hollow, useless, I feel like I shouldn't be, I wish I wasn't and the cell I was in makes it worse. I have never been diagnosed with depression, but in times like these, I feel like I'm really doomed.

I wish I had a sharp object like the ones I had at home, but there is nothing, the room empty of anything useful. I wish to feel something else. I wish I had my friends with me, not as I talked to them about how I feel anyway, but I laugh with them and they make me feel happy, sometimes. They did often say the thing that devastated me and ran away from me like it was some game. Sadly they will truly never be my friend.

My vision becomes blurry and tears fall down and I don't try to stop them. I do know I'm feeling something, but not want I wish to be. I scoot to the corner and rest my head on the wall pulling my knees to my chest. I sit just feeling worthless, the beautiful lady left me down here all alone, my parents left me to rot in an orphanage so I guess I was meant to be left behind and forgotten

I know I crave being loved for never have been loved I have only been pushed around by others who are also searching for something. I always hated people talking about their relationships and me knowing it would never last, and they never do. People are together one minute then apart from the next, then the next day they found someone new. It kills how fast they move. It is probably me being jealous, watching others find what I'm unable to.

Its probably enabled into my genes to feel so down, but its been apart of be for so long that Its who I've become. I'm the idiot who sits in the back of the class reading because I would rather hear about someone else's story than live my own. That's how I've been for so long that I have just stopped trying for a connection.

I don't even notice that my crying had become audible.

"hey stop with the crying girly it's getting annoying," The man outside my cell said. Even though he tried to shut me up I ended up just making even more noise than before. I shut my eyes and willed myself to vanish, but I managed to do was fall asleep.

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Sorry if anyone found his triggering, but I wrote this with my feelings, so don't be too harsh, thanks :)