Behind that sweet smile (Daily Journal)

11-23-2014

I almost arrived late today.. It's been weeks since I'm like this.. Weak and weary.. No bonus and I don't know when I'll receive it I'm working in a government hospital by the way.. As a phlebotomist. it's 6:35 pm, Rarely patients arrived in the e.r but mostly are toxic. H. Mole "stat" , for CS "stat" etc.. But minutes after all of that emergency calls it's back to normal again. I've been counting hours; my co- workers are watching the "one Direction" concert and me well I'm making this.. My first wattpad story which inspired by the famous Anne Frank he he. My former crush isn't here today, he's a nurse a hot one; with beautiful eyes and seductive smile. But tonight he's not around So I feel lumpy.. He's one of the reason why I love to go to work. He's cute but l hate him. He's already married yet he kept flirting with me. I bet he also likes me but what can I do? He's already married and they have a baby girl! We're both the same age but he married early. They said he got the girl pregnant that's why he marry her. I've got a secret to tell you.. we already kissed.. A couple times.. And I love it, I keep longing for his lips the twists of his tongue.. The warm touch of his hands that ran across to my spine that made me shiver and made me longed for him even more.. But I know we will never be together. I could never have him. That's the sickening reality. So I kept myself distance from him I'm learning to practice myself for it to forget him and to avoid issues but he kept coming to me.. I don't know what I would do "deep sigh"

Anyway back to where I stopped, it's 7:10pm the Christmas lights are flickering just outside the lab..still no signs of new patients.. I'm pondering; christmas is approaching and few days after; a new year will begin, what would happen to me next year? will I be contented will I find someone? Will I finally commit my dreams? Not probably.. Still pondering..

8:55 pm numbers of pregnant women arrives.. Omg! The delivery room is full for just an instant. I don't doubt it anyway.. It's November.. Nine months later after February?? Valentine's day?? Mating season?? Get it huh? Get it?? Haha!

11:48pm. Just arrived home. My brother picked me up from work. Finally it's time to rest. I'm not waiting for his messages no more.. I'm tired of waiting for him. Long distance relationship sucks! It's like dating a ghost. But I'll admit it. My Italian boyfriend is a hottie and very cute. He's a very serious person yet sweet at the same time. I love him but now I'm too weary to longed for him. He didn't even bother to leave a message. At first I feel left off but now I'm too tired to feel anything I want to travel.. Tonight I'll dream.. seems like I'll sleep well tonight.