In the Language of the Flowers

| 38 |

✾ Love Lies Bleeding ✾

It wasn't an unusual day, or anything. Class that particular afternoon was about Kant's ideas, specifically his thoughts about our connection to--and, in my opinion, reliance on--time and space, about how the way we interact with the world is based largely on our shallow perceptions of phenomena around us and not their underlying causes. 

As one might expect, my brain was getting quickly fatigued. But it was more than just the subject material that left me exhausted. I hadn't slept well the night before. 

I turned twenty at 5:06 AM that morning. As a kid, Mom used to wake me up the very minute of my birth with a bear hug and a shower of kisses. In her absence, I lay awake anyway, both missing her and thinking and thinking about Ren's plans. Our plans. 

And, of course, there was also Amory. As soon as I sat down next to him in class, he'd leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "Happy birthday. Also, we kissed." 

I eyed him. "Thanks. And yeah, I remember." 

He shook his head. "No, not you, stupide. I meant me and James."

"WHAT!?"

"Don't shout," Amory hissed. 

"Something to share with the class?" Miller asked, pausing whatever he'd been writing on the white board. He was staring at us expectantly, as was most of the class. 

I shook my head, sweating prodigiously. "No. Sorry, Professor." 

"Quiet," Brown grumbled, shuffling some papers.

When we'd escaped the spotlight, Amory continued. "It was amazing. I might die." 

I watched Miller. "He doesn't seem any different." 

"Because he has his Professor Pants on," Amory told me. Then he smiled devilishly. "I fully intend on getting them off soon enough." 

I remember my face feeling hot and thinking about Ren again. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Kant was off the table entirely. Giving up on learning anything was my only remaining option. I felt bad about it because I didn't want to let Miller down, especially now that he was apparently engaged in a scandalous relationship with one of my best friends. 

Before I could escape class, Miller stopped me. "Beau," he said. "Have a second?" 

I paused, staring at him for probably a bit too long. Now that I was looking, he was kind of handsome. Good for Amory. "I have something for you," he said, smiling. 

I watched as he pulled a crisp magazine from his bag. "What is it?" I asked. 

"It's your essay," he said. "Well, yours and a bunch of other people's. It's officially been published. Congratulations." 

I nearly fainted. "Are you serious?" I asked, flipping through it. It was so fancy, so perfectly edited and designed. And then there were my words right in front of my eyes, smooth and proper looking like they hadn't come out of my frazzled brain over many sleepless nights. On Gratitude - Beau Bryant. 

"Wow," I said. "Unreal." 

"Keep up the good work," Miller said.

As soon as I stepped out of the classroom, I texted Ren. Everything going ok? Nerves?

"Who are you texting with that weird look on your face?" Amory asked, catching me off guard. He'd been standing outside the classroom like a statue.

"It's Ren," I said, tucking the magazine safely into my bag. "His show is today, remember? Aren't you coming?" 

Amory frowned. "I suspect Sallie will force me to come."