In the Language of the Flowers

| 19 |

✾ Monkshood ✾

A knock sounded on the door. Or, it was more of a pounding. I tried to think of who it could be. Sallie would definitely bang on the door like that. But usually she just let herself in. Beau had a key.

I wiped the sweat from my brow. I'd just been doing push ups in my room and my shirt was sticking to my chest a little. I was pulling it off and starting towards my room when the banging started again. "Yeah, one second!" I shouted, grabbing a fresh shirt and tugging it on.

A couple more slams happened before I jerked the door open. "Can you just chill?" I complained.

"It's important," Liam said, shivering in my doorway with absolutely zero warm clothing on.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hissed. Thank god Beau wasn't here yet. He'd texted me to tell me he was on his way back, though. I had to get Liam out of here. He and Beau weren't the best of friends.

"I had to see you," he said, shoving past me into the apartment. "Were you working out? You're all sweaty."

"Are you insane? Did you not wear a jacket here?" I watched as Liam peeked around corners. He swung the door to my room open, looked inside, and then shut it again. I followed him. He reached for Beau's door, but I slammed it shut as he tried to open it. "This is Beau's room. You can't go in it."

"Is he here?" Liam asked. "I don't see him."

"You're acting super sketchy right now. Are you on something? Or off something you should be on?" I asked.

"I'm fine," he said. He rubbed his arms. "I just needed to see you."

"You said that, but I don't want you here. Especially not when you're acting like a drugged out stalker. Can you just leave before Beau gets back?"

"You never used to be like this," he said, staring at me.

"Like what?"

"You used to be so carefree," he said. "Like in Florida."

"Speaking of, weren't you supposed to be leaving for Florida?" I pressed.

"I miss the carefree you," he said.

"I do, too. Sometimes," I said. It was true. There were times that I wished I could be like that guy again. I could sweep Beau off his feet and bring him to my bed, kiss his rose-colored lips and tell him how much I wanted him. "But most of the time, I just think he was an idiot."

"An idiot? For what? Being yourself?"

"I haven't been myself for a long time," I said. "It's better to care than to be carefree." I didn't know why I was lecturing him, but I felt like he needed to hear it. "Sure, sometimes it can be hard. But everything is just more meaningful when something really matters. The world, life...it seems worth it."

I felt the shallowness of my words immediately after I said them. I was preaching to Liam, but I'd never even dropped a tiny hint about my feelings for Beau. I needed to suck it up. If I still hadn't said anything at the end of the week--when Beau's winter break would begin--Sallie said she was going to dye my hair pink. And then promptly force me to fess up and profess my undying love.

I didn't entirely understand what was happening with me. But Beau was definitely more than a friend to me, and he deserved to know as much.

"You matter," Liam said quietly. I'd never seen him look so small. "You matter to me."

Ah. Right.

"Liam," I said softly. "I'm not-"

"I've loved you since we met, Ren," he said. "I'm in love with you."