In the Language of the Flowers

| 8 |

✾ Red Carnation ✾

I burst back into the apartment. My blood was still rushing, my heart beating at the speed of light. I'd never experienced anything like that before. It was so loud. It was so bright. 

God, I loved it. I felt alive.

But it didn't matter. I rushed to my room. Ren was right behind me. He'd be up the stairs and joining me in the apartment any second. I didn't want him to see me bathed in proper light. The club had been dark, only flashes of clarity breaking through the hazy, drunk floating feeling.

I still sort of felt it when I shoved my door shut. It slammed loudly and only moments later, I heard Ren come into the apartment. I pressed my ear to the door, listening to him.

"Copper? Where the hell did you go?" he asked. I heard his footsteps creaking across the living room.

I rushed to the mirror, staring at myself. The cool night air had dried most of my skin, but my hair still clung to the sides of my head with sweat. I tried to arrange my curls so that I didn't look like I'd just crawled through the sewers Les Miserables-style. I blinked furiously, trying to sober up a little bit.

"Copper, you're here, right?" he said. I heard a little bit of anxiety in his voice, and it made me shy for some reason. I hesitated to let him know I was in my room. I approached the door, pressing my palm against it, but immediately took it away because I felt like an idiot in a cheesy movie.

"Fuck," Ren breathed quietly. He sounded sad. Definitely tired. Maybe even a little bit scared, the drop of fear so small that it diluted instantly, making me wonder if it was even there in the first place.

I bit the inside of my cheek and swung the door open. "Hey, slowpoke."

Ren looked at me immediately. "Why'd you run?"

Why'd I run? I knew why. I wasn't about to tell him, though. I shrugged. "I sort of felt like it. Just a burst of energy, I guess," I replied.

"It wasn't that long ago that you found navigating New York streets to be intimidating. Now you're running around like a maniac?"

I stared at him and shrugged again. He frowned. "Don't just shrug at me. Come here," he said, holding a hand out to me.

I went to him, letting him wrap his fingers around my arm and pull me closer. "You're all sweaty," he said, guiding some of my hair out of my eyes.

"So are you," I protested, swatting his hand away.

He smirked. "It was fun, right? Glad you came?"

I nodded. "I'm glad." It was dangerous, though. I was still a lightweight. It had been dark. It hadn't taken much for my inhibitions to waver. I could still sort of feel Ren dancing beside me, his body moving fluidly with mine. It had been so...

Sensual. Ren was sensual. His body in motion, his tattoos had come alive. His sweat shone in the colorful lights. His eyes glowed, still watching me even when we were surrounded by a crowd.

We'd stumbled outside, stars invisible in the night sky and crisp air trying to jar us out of our paradise. But I hadn't been ready. Ren had closed his eyes and tilted his head back, breathing deeply and just smiling. He looked so peaceful, his lashes still and his lips pulled into a gentle expression of contentment.

I still wasn't me. I was wild and alive, and I almost did it. I'd taken a step towards him, extending my arm. I could feel the desire tingling on my fingertips, hovering above his inked skin. I wanted to kiss those smiling lips even though I didn't really know how. I wanted to feel his body moving with mine again, but this time even closer. This time even more intimate.

It had been dangerous. I ran.

"I'm glad," I repeated. I didn't know if I believed it. Was I glad that I'd went with him, that I'd gotten so carried away?

"Tired?" he asked, tilting his head a little to the side to look at my face better.

I nodded. "It's been a long day," I said.

He reached up and tilted my head up with the crook of his finger on my chin. "I'm proud of you, though," he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "Proud of me?"

He smiled. "You're amazing."

My heart swelled, and I couldn't stop my smile from breaking. I stared into Ren's eyes. His hand was still hovering by my face, his knuckles lingering against my jaw. "I think you're amazing, Ren," I said quietly. I had to say it because, if I didn't, my admiration would burn a hole through my chest. "Everything you do, everything about you is amazing," I said quietly. My voice shook a little bit. Ren's hand fell to his side.

We stood there like that for a long time. I can't explain how I felt at that moment. It was one of the scariest things that have ever happened to me, but my heartbeat was steady and slow. I was calm.

Finally, finally, Ren sighed. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Fuck," he said for the second time that night. But this time, it was different. He didn't sound sad or tired. I felt something in my bones, rushing its way to the deepest parts of me when he said it.

When Ren dropped his forehead onto my shoulder, I just stood there, shocked, staring forward. When the surprise wore off, I couldn't resist. I turned my head slightly so that my lips just barely touched his neck, hoping that he wouldn't notice. There was a small tattoo of a bird behind his ear. I was focusing intently on figuring out what kind when he spoke.

"You just had to," he said. I felt his breath on my chest.

"Had to what?" I asked. I inhaled and smelled the sharp scent of paint mixed with Ren's sweat. I didn't mind the smell of paint. Maybe I even liked it a little. It wasn't a good smell necessarily, but I still had to suppress a shiver that ran down my spine.

Ren lifted his head, and I felt a vacuum where he'd been. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Get some sleep. I'll bring you some water in a bit."

I watched him walk towards the kitchen. "Now all I'm going to do is worry about it," I protested.

"Don't," he said, chuckling. "You've got too many others things to worry about these days."

I pouted. "Fine."

Not fine. I wanted to know, but I didn't think he would break and tell me what was going on in his head. So I just went back to my room, stripped off my sweaty clothes, and collapsed into my bed.