Out Of Place

!9!

I like to think of myself as a public speaker. I could think up so many shit just at a moments notice.

" There's a place where no one likes to be so they save that little place for me." I sat down on the edge of Steven's And I's shared bed.

" They shove me in and lock the door. " I kicked my shoes off

" They call me a dick, an ass, a man whore" I pulled my legs to my chest

" They say shut up, they say fuck you" I shuffed back so that i was beside the sleeping half gem

" But none of them know what I'm going through" I gazed down at my roomie, seeing his peaceful expression nearly made me smile

" I've lost good friends. I've been a lost friend too" I looked away

" I've said I'll never love, and I've said I love you" I chuckled softly and sadly

" Deep down I know I deserve all the bad" I looked straight ahead at the dark reflective Tv screen

" I just miss the life that I once had..." I layed back

" I miss my family, I miss my friends" I placed my arms behind my head for a makeshft pillow

" I'm part of a nightmare that never ends" i closed my eyes slowly

" People leave, and people die" I had a flash of my dad smiling at me

" But the nightmare continues when I open my eyes" That memory of when i had walked into my fathers room only to see him hanging from the ceiling fan flashed before my eyes and i held in a gasp

" Everything feels like it's falling apart... I've broken my family, my faith, and my heart." It's all my fault.

" Every time I think life can't get worse" I frowned sadly thinking about all of the strangers who asked for my name only for me to decline and turn away.

" I watch another friend ride off in a hearse, I don't remember how to smile, or even have fun... It's true when they say only the good die young..." I felt tears brim my eyes as i opened them and starred up at the ceiling.

I can really think the most amazing thing's up on the spot. Fucking word play!? This is why i do audios on youtube huh?

I sighed out and blinked feeling the warm tears run down my cold cheeks

I want someone to hold me...I need someone to be there...

I continued to stare upwards not knowing what else to say at this point without waking Steven up that is.

I miss my dad...I really really really miss him damn it why did h have to go and leave me like this!? wasn't I enough? did he know that he was everything to me that i loved him so much!?

He-...I miss him and I still do

He was the one who told me that i could be anything i wanted to be, that i could do anything if i really put my mind to it...he said that he loved me ti'll death do us part...

I've lost too many people!? I grunted not being able to sleep so i got up and sat on the end of the bed...i pulled my phone out and looked through my contacts...I saw hers so i clicked on it and placed the phone to my ear before listening to the dial ring

" Hi there! So sorry but i am kinda busy doing things so call me back or leave a nice message for me after the beep!" Her voice....I wiped my eyes and heard the beep.

" Hey, its um, its me. I just wanted to say that i miss you. You popped into my head just now and i kinda ran across one of our old pictures yesterday and tried to call. Obviously i did and you didn't pick up again, so now im just leavng another voice mail for you. Do you ever wonder about me? Like, the way i wonder about you? i wonder if your alright...cause the last time we spoke you didn't seem alright...but i guess that dosen't matter anymore now does it. I sometimes think about what happened? guess that makes me sound pretty crazy cause i should just let you go right? that i should just let you go and drop everything i know about you and pretend that we never really happened? pretend that i didn't approach you and tried to build a bond- that i know i messed up! but i can't pretend that it never happened, i saw so much going for you. so much positivetly...even though you never failed to push me down I-I'm not baming you though!? and of course like every other voicemail practive in my head this isn't going the way i wanted it to...I just wanted to let you know that, I still have feelings for you and i still want you back, that i still want another chance to do better....I miss you." I sighed and hung up placing my phone away back into my pocket and layed back down next to Steven's sleeping figure.

" I'm always gonna be okay. All i wanna do is...be in my house, be with my dad, be with my family."

I walked my way down to the lower level and sat on the couch when the temple door opened up with Amethyst and Garnet walking out of it, i furiously wiped my face clean and smiled brightly at me acting as if i just got up to get a glass of water.

" Jay gurl, why you up this early? late?" Ame said laughing

" Glass of water- Duh!" I chuckled myself and got my drink to prove my point

" Amethyst. Jay. Be more quiet, Steven is still asleep." Garnet said as she crossed her arms and me and Ame together let out a loud sigh and high fived before Ame walked back into her room to do shit.

" Why are you up still?" Garnet asked

" Couldn't sleep honestly, thats all." I said rinsing my glass out and walking back over to Garnet

I suddenly hugged Garnet and she instantly relaxed to my touch and hugged me back, we stood there with arms wrapped around each other while swaying slowly

" I care about you, you do know that right?" Garnet questioned smiling down at me gently, i grinned and nuzzled her neck " Yeah, i know that. I care about you too yknow"

Garnets face nearly matched my hair as she smiled wider and tightened her grip on my form...

Me and Garnet layed together on the couch on the lower level. My, which i was going in an out of sleep, had my head resting on Garnet's chest, while she read a book. One of her legs dangled off the side just enough to reach the ground and was using her foot to sway. Garnet flipped the page of her book, before placing one hand on my head, absentmindedly running her fingers through my hair. My arm tightened slightly around her waist, seemingly to react to the feeling of Garnet playing with my hair. " Hmm, what are you doing G?" I asked, rousing from my sleep fully.

Garnet stopped messing with my hair and looked at me, I looked at her with a slightly amused look. " I like playing with your hair." She replied simply.

" So you decide to do so while I'm asleep?" I asked, slightly readjusting myself so I could look at her better.

The Maroon gem stopped her reading and closed the book she held. " Would you prefer me to do so when you're awake?" She questioned amused.

I let out a small laugh before replying " Maybe, though I'd much rather mess with yours."

Garnet's cheeks turned a dark red from embarrassment. Taking my chance I moved enough to place a kiss on the gem's cheek before returning to my previous position, resting my head back on her chest. The gem wrapped her arms around me and placed a kiss on the top of my head before murmuring something unintelligable and falling asleep along with me.