The Implications of being a DramaQueen

A Careless Wander

It was in that moment

That I realized

I realized that

I was the type of girl who would stay near you

Always

even after you died

Earnest fingers would dig into my skin begging me to give in

My gaze set towards the wall

In and out my breath escapes

My body lay heavy near your cold embrace

Moonlit evenings would flash before my eyes

And immovable I would lay searching my own guise

Quiet would be the name of the room we lay

Fingertips with no pulse would be my driving fascination

A slight whiff of angel food cake

Good and evil swirl their swords above your head

I lay motionless excited to be led

Take me, Id whisper with strong vigor

Even though my body tense with defense

I don't want to bend to your will but I long to be led to this bed

Where I lay

With you

unmoving and breathe released softly

For it is these moments in the fever of dreaming that I feel the most free

The most alive

No lies

No heartbeat

Patient I lay, awaiting my own demise

I'll imagine petals falling from the ceiling

An emblem of my constant day dreaming

I'm afraid but I'm not

I'm suicidal, yet so alive

Nothing but me will drive

Countless pearls will fall from me, crashing like glass against my souls reprieve

I will breathe and breathe continuing to hold on to that distant song

You matter to me

I'll laugh endlessly

Madly fixated in my own madness

Allowing myself to feel silly beyond desperation

I'll sink like ships in the ocean

I'll laugh through the waves even while being drowned by its icy cold chill

I will stay alive

I'll lay and look in your eyes

But

I will stay alive

My stomach will shrink when it realizes my only real nourishment came from the soul that lingered so close to mine

My mind will slowly stop when true peace is met only with your gaze

My limbs unmovable and unmotivated 

My eyes won't blink

I will lay there

For as long as it takes

For my silly and chaotic mind to intertwine with reality

It may take years, it may only take moments

But there I will lay

Until I feel it all fall away

-losingyouinadaydream