The Implications of being a DramaQueen

Stargazing

I know him

That silhouette across the room

He grabbed my hand

In the bed of his truck

We both expressed feeling

Stuck.

I bared my soul

Even if it wasn't the whole

Quick moments of laughter

Genuine moments flutter

Before my eyes

Was I wearing a disguise?

Or is there a reason why there's no recollection in your eyes

We grew up together

Best friends

You were the one who decided to cross that line

On a couch in your basement

Saying that it took you all this time

Your true feelings

Feelings you felt you had to hide

Kissed me.

You kissed me.

A surprise mid sentence

Said you'd waited years

Is that what you thought I wanted to hear?

Did you think you were being kind?

Am I that blind

Or has time really shaped us

Differently

Brief glances

No words brush past our ears

Even if I said something

Would you hear?

Why is it you seem to shudder under my gaze?

Is it guilt?

Why can't you look at my face?

How easily I was tossed to the side

You were the one who took me by surprise

You were the one who asked me not to hide

Texting me late at night months after you disappeared from my life

Giving me butterflies

Knowing full well that you wouldn't follow through

With the words you so carefully placed in my mind

Do you always send text messages like that

To girls whose hearts you broke only a few months ago?

I feel hot as my anger begins to rise

Just look at me!

Am I not important?

Am I so insignificant that you can't acknowledge me?

My existence.

An existence you once held so dear

As you brushed your lips against mine

The words I told you all those late nights

The way our hearts would beat

I didn't count on any of it being mine

Feeling the pressure of time

Then that one night

You asked for a kiss goodbye

And I gave you that kiss

And a million reasons why I couldn't stay

Is that where there was a delay?

Was I a summer fling?

A girl you felt would be easy to wring of emotion

You called me special

You traced my hands in your palms

We listened to all our favorite songs

You held me close

Maybe this is how love stories go

How the hell was I supposed to know?

I was young

You were experienced

In me

My heart

Moving around in the dark

I'll still never forget the message you sent me that day

I thought we were just friends

What a fucked up thing to say

Took me two years to feel okay

I wrote you my whole world

You wanted me on your hook

But then told me I wasn't worth a second look

Had you been a stranger I probably would have sensed the danger

But no

You had been in my life for years

Listened to rants

Brushed away tears

You were in my heart and mind

A friend at that time

I didn't want to ruin us like this

But you did.

One fucking kiss

I never understood why

All of this

Because I saw you today

And

You wouldn't look me in the eye

-anxietyfromseeingyou