Random Bucket of Fish

Confusion Struggle Part 3/4

Marveling over her endless beauty.

Reminded of the pain she dealt.

I’m like a knight trying to slay two dragons.

In the end… it turns out I’m just a puppet in her show.

 

Love.

Hatred.

Guilt.

Jealousy.

 

Too many emotions.

Not enough thought.

That’s what went wrong.

That’s what still is wrong.

 

Desire.

Pity.

Respect.

Depression.

 

It was nobody’s fault.

Maybe was mine.

Maybe was hers.

Maybe what happened was a good thing.

 

Incomprehension.

Denial.

Acceptance.

Ignorance.

 

What do my emotions mean?

Why do I ask these questions?

I cannot change the past.

Am I crazy for desiring that?

 

Imaturity

Irresponsibility.

Frantic.

Obsessive.

 

Probably shouldn’t care.

I want the emotions to go away.

I’ve ignored the concern for a year.

Maybe I should talk to her.

 

Rationality

 

Now it’s time to be rational.

She doesn’t want to talk to me.

I don’t want to talk to her.

That’s a fact.

Reasonable

 

I have to learn to control these emotions.

I have to be mature.

I have to show that I’ve changed.

I have to show that I no longer care.

 

Strong

 

I do care.

But I shouldn’t.

And I’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of the pain.

I’ll do whatever it takes to make it go away.

 

Determined

 

It doesn’t matter if I chose the right decision.

All that matters is that I get some self control.

So I’ll forget.

And I’ll never think back.